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Anyone have any audiophile jokes? Any type will do, laughing with us, at us, clean or not so clean....
Any websites on this? I did a search and the only thing I came up with were those venting thier spleens at the audiophile hobby inevitably focusing on the crazy snake oil stuff or the unobtanium kit.
Follow Ups:
A priest, a rabbi and an audiophile walk into a bar. The bartender sees them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
What's the difference between a pigeon and a high end audio shop owner? The pigeon can still leave a deposit on a Mercedes.
This trumpet player was on the phone with his agent. He was concerned that he didn't have a gig in a while. His agent tells him; "Listen, there aren't any gigs out there but I found you something". I got you a gig bagging lions. To which the trumpet player says, "What does that have to do with my playing. The agent then says "Look, the gig pays 100.00 for each lion that you bag, don't worry about playing".
At this point the trumpet player will take anything so he hangs up and flies to Africa. Not wanting to miss any practice time he takes his trumpet with him while looking for the lions. He notices a lion coming toward him and the only thing that he could think of doing is playing his horn. He starts to play a beautiful ballad. He then notices that the lion starts to get sleepy and eventually goes to sleep.
He grabs the lion, bags him and throws him in the back of his truck. He goes a little further and sees another lion. Again he plays a beautiful ballad and again the lion falls asleep. This goes on all afternoon. The trumpet player has about 99 lions in his truck when he sees another. He says "What the heck, one more won't hurt".
He starts to play his ballad and notices that the lion is not paying any attention to him so he starts to play louder. The lion starts to run toward the trumpet player. The trumpet player starts to play faster and faster but the lion keeps coming toward him. The lion jumps on the trumpet player and eats him.
One of the lions on the truck turns to another lion and says "I told you that when he gets to the deaf one the gig would be over."
Man listens to three audio systems blindfolded, and then is asked how they sound.......
After listening to the first system, he describes the sound as, "The highs are a bit fuzzy, bass is a little boomy, and the instruments sound 'nasal'........"
After listening to the second system, he describes the sound, "The highs are better defined, the mids sound more lifelike, but the PRAT wasn't very good........"
After listening to the third system, he describes the sound, "It sounds like oboes, trumpets, violins, cellos, clarinets......... "
;-]
Giving credit to Albert Porter,
> > > > A bass player was, as always, broke. Wishing for a cheap vacation, he saw an enticing ad in the travel section of the Sunday New York Times:
"Mississippi Riverboat Cruises! Four relaxing days, three nights on the Big Muddy. Special fare for bass players - $1.99! Bring your bass to claim reduced rate."
Excited, he grabbed his acoustic bass and headed to the dock. At the ticket window, he proudly displayed his bass:
"I'm here to inquire about the $1.99 cruise for bass players," he announced.
"Is that there your bass, sir?
"You bet. The very best."
"No problem, then, arranging your cruise. That'll be $1.99 . . . "
As the bass player plopped two bucks on the counter, a blunt object smacked the back of his head. The stunned musical vacationer fell to the ground. Waking hours later, he found himself tied to the bass and floating lazily down the Mississippi. His head ached. Unable to free himself, he floated calmly on. After awhile, he saw beauty in the passing riverscape: idling sloops, tall trees, fishermen on the shoreline, herons startled from the shallows . . .
Our bass player-on-vacation snoozed a bit as he scooted silently with the big river's surge. When he awoke, he spotted another man, floating nearby, tied to a bass. Since he was weak and somewhat thirsty, he called over:
"Hey, man. Do they serve food or drinks on this cruise?"
The other replied, cheerfully, "They didn't last year." < < < < <
One, but it takes another 33 1/3 more to discuss the superiority of candles.
Jim
and how many FOH engineers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
five ; one changes the bulb, the others say :" I wouldn't have done like that"
Tell him he made a great deal!
Paul Voigt was walking down the sidewalk when he sees Amar Bose on the other side of the street
Stopping he cups his hands to his mouth & shouts "HEY BOSE YOU STILL MAKING THOSE CRAPPY SPEAKERS"
At which point Amar turns to face the wall beside him & mumbles "yes"
You have that joke all fucked up.
I should make that my standard reply to people: "You have that all fucked up."
Thats the way I heard it, whats your version?
Paul Klipsch and Amar Bose meet at a show. Bose cups his hands around his mouth and shouts "Hello Paul, how are you?"
PWK turns his back to Bose and mumbles "Fine Amar, how are you?"
rw
...has been featuring audiophile cartoons by New Yorker cartoonist Liza Donnelly for a while now.
Tone Publications
se
posted at the hi-rez board a long, long while ago...
I would have never thought this could happen to me, it always happens to the other guy. I was alone, sitting in my local tavern, and there she was. Just sitting there at the bar, very attractive. She was a 9/10, excellent, perfect condition, no scratches, nicks, or blemishes, and enough inputs to satisfy any man. After many drinks, I decided to get enough courage to speak to her. I approached her, and she was willing to talk! Better yet, she talked audio. I asked her about her system and her music, and boy was she willing! She whispered in my ear that she wanted to sample my equipment! At that point, I realized that she was a 7/10, one or two minor scratches, looked a little used, but well maintained. Perhaps it was the alcohol wearing off, but my desire to tweak her system became overwhelming. I told her that I was a two-channel kind of guy and asked her if she liked anal log. . I was surprised that she didn’t walk away. She responded by telling me she liked two channel but wanted to experiment with 5.1!!!, Then she asked me if she could sample my power cord! Without much thinking, and just emotionally reacting, I agreed to audition it! We took the transport over to her place. I had my electoglide fat man ready. It was only broken in my system and I wondered if this was going to work out, be moment of nirvana that I was waiting for. I’ve wang chunged too much lately, and had a bad case of DSD, sick of looking at tube traps in magazines, and my cable cooker was broken. It was late, and her place was brightly lit. Upon further inspection, I realized that she was now a 3/10, rather beat up, but all functions work, maybe a knob missing. Still, she had a serious bottom end, great midrange, and not too bright. I walked in the room and saw her system in the good light. I said, “nice rack’! I noticed she had large cones, and those aurios, properly positioned, … well, I better not touch them yet. I was ready to rock her world. She opened up to me, mentioned that she had sampled other men’s cords, something that I didn’t want to hear. Her experience with the power snakes especially the black mamba and the whale elite really shock me up. The sidewinder with venom upgrade, well, that’s gotta be long and hard to maneuver. She claimed good results with the eel and power oval. Boy, I was hoping that her receptacle was clean, I mean, the last thing that I wanted was the “grundge”, or a bad case of EMI. It was too late to get out the Audioprism sniffer. I got over that quickly. She was too much! I started to get my cord ready for installation, the need to elevate the cord, and to prevent any kind of RFI leakage was important. . I know factually that Electraglide tend to be better as length progresses. No break in needed. Didn’t want it to under perform… Plug in time... Well… what an upgrade path!!!!!! What slam, nirvana! Extremely detailed. What started out as hard and edgy changed to being very liquid. Afterward, She proceeded to give my cord five stars for performance and five stars for value.
.
rlindsa
I have that speaker cable one stuck on my wall for the last couple yrs..
...but making fun of audiophiles, nonetheless.
I like the cartoon about the acoustic smock. I once suggested to my wife that she wear a burqa while we watch movies on our DLP - just once.
nt
.
He was a fine and clever cartoonist but his work for Stereo Review is priceless.
My favorite is the one with the dog.
"Did you hear the news about Bob, he's been in the hospital for a week.. The second audiophile says, "I'm sorry to hear that, what's he got?" The first audiophile replies, "Gallo, Tenor, APL and Purist Audio."
here's a good one...
Though Britney is horrible, at least her stage performance isn't nearly as hard on the eyes as the ears.
Poor Linda, she makes Robbie Robertson sound good!
" Once this was all Black Plasma and Imagination."ť -Michael McClure
I always "heard" she sucked but never knew how bad.
no one hears her mic but the engineers- they have the sense to play a fully-engineered track to the audience!!
why she gets all of the money she does when it is her engineers that are the real talent.
Kind of fractured, but I like it.
.
The boss of the tech superstore calls all his team together for the Employee of the Month prize. He says, "This month, there can be only one winner. Marco spoke to a guy who asked dropped on a Friday afternoon to buy an iPad. After 10 minutes, he'd signed the guy up for a two million dollar home theatre and a half million dollar audio system. Marco... you're amazing, come up and receive your prize."Marco walks up and says, "Thanks boss, but that's not how it happened. You see, the guy came in and asked where the nearest drug store is, because he needed to buy his wife some pads. So I said to him 'Well, sounds like you're not doing much this weekend - do you wanna take in a movie?'"
-
Editor, Hi-Fi Plus magazine, from cold, windy and wet Englandshire
Edits: 02/07/10 02/07/10 02/07/10
Not bad, not bad at all! I'd hesitate before using it on my 'normal' friends as they think me crazy already. Maybe after a pint or two.
big j
"...only a very few individuals understand as yet that personal salvation is a contradiction in terms ."
> Anyone have any audiophile jokes?
This is a pretty good one doing the rounds at the moment:
http://www.linnaudionh.com/
(If you don't get it look in the Parts Express catalogue.)
You have to actually know a thing exists to make a joke about it. So you'll never find one.
The only way to get some will be to paraphrase others
"One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president Dave into his office and said "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and a stereo habit to support. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in so Dave said "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?"
Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."
-----------
Audiophile Advice
How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and they take the house and the stereo when they leave.
----------
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
An audiophile stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this, I'm going to listen to my Sennheisers".
----------
The owner of an audio salon needed a piece of gear but it was in a room where an audition was taking place. He didn't want to barge in or bother the customer, so he waited until he had the salesmans eye and figured he'd try sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in the direction of the component he wanted, and the room he wanted it moved to. The salesman nodded his head, pulled down his pants, whiped out his chop and started masturbating right in front of the customer.
The Owner, in disbelief barges into the demo and shouts "What is your problem!!! I said I needed that preamp!".
The salesman replied "I know. I was just trying to tell you I'm coming!"
It's all about the music...
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