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Last November a woman at my place of work was hell-bent on romance with me. I wasn't interested. In an act of resistance I posted about it here. I also consulted with professional counselors. Long story short, my course of action was to write a letter to the woman stating plainly that I did not want romance. The result? The woman retaliated, and became angrier than a nest of molested hornets. Wouldn't speak to me, wrote nasty emails, and spoke against me to anybody that would listen.Difficult situation, eh?
The counselors then had more advice for me. I was told the next step was to write to the woman again, and ask her how we could improve our working relationship and restore congeniality. And after that I was to invite her into joint counseling sessions.
I really didn't want to write letters or extend invitations to this woman, but that's what the counselors said, and I would have followed their advice to the letter. I even kept a freaking diary, just so I'd have good documentation if my job was ever in jeopardy.
Just today the situation turned around in my favor. This woman is leaving for employment elsewhere. DELIVERANCE! Thank God, thank my counselors, and thank Centralians.
I hope nobody else here ever has to go through this kind of crap. Responding judiciously to a blundering love-sick angry woman is sheer hell. Thank God she is moving on! I could have been stuck with her at my place of work for years.
Follow Ups:
Thanks guys for the supportive comment. I'm not used to being so readily understood.When I first met with a female counselor to discuss the problem of my coworker, the counselor did not believe me. She defended the female coworker. The male counselor I met with was better, but even he put me in an awkward situation, asking me to bring in the coworker for joint counseling.
It's these counselors that I don't understand so well. They put the onus upon me to mend this girl's hurt feelings and restore civility. It's like saying any misconduct from this woman is ok!... And you'll just have to suck it up and smile!
Counselors seem to have this "kiss-and-make-up" solution for all problems. I can not imagine a counselor ever taking a client to task for wrong-doing. Which makes me wonder, how do counselors ever solve real-world problems? The more I think about this the less I understand. Now I just want to forget...
Mmmmm.... Bottles of wine on my kitchen shelf. Now that's my kind of therapy! A little dose of oblivion.
I have to admit, that writing letters stuff sounded awfully kooky to me. All you had to do was phrase something wrong and you'd set yourself up for even more problems....documented in writing.
I have the same problem, women after my scrawny rear all the time... well, that's what my wife says, anyway. She of the "four times a year should be plenty" persuasion.Not to make light of your situation; there is nastiness in there that cannot be plumbed in such a shallow contrivance as a BBS.
Let's all hope that this goes away, and fades into just another bad memory.
Fudd's First Law of Opposition
If you push something hard enough, it will fall over.
I had the Gender/Race card played against me a decade ago. Frivolously I might add but that wouldn't mean anything as I am a middle aged white guy. Guilty just by being male and white in my minority boss' eyes (who had never actually had a conversation with me in the course of six months as supervisor).Glad you were able to persevere through a toxic work environment. I left that outfit and changed carriers completely. The former company went under in a huge shitstorm of bad management. It was strangely satisfying...
People suck sometimes. Karma can fix that.
--
Al GSilence is Golden
Duct Tape is Silver
can you imagine how screwed up things would be had you somehow succumbed to her for even a brief interlude? Yikes!Glad to hear it worked out in the end.
Good to hear it worked in your favor.Maybe you should file the info you have in case the retaliatory fever hits her down the road. Possibly even having it notarized (to preserve the date)?
.......oh never mind.
I am pleased it has worked out for you.I can understand documenting the sequence of events in a dairy but I am afraid I have very little regard for counselors, and their advice, in the situation you faced. Your situation is a very good example of politeness gone mad.
Smile
Sox
I had to document the situation with my coworker. If I hadn't gone to counselors, then it would have been a "he said, she said" situation, without any people to corroborate the facts. By carefully following the advice of counselors, my actions now look proper and can hardly be faulted. I work at a university, where the judgement of counselors would be carefully weighed if this situation with my coworker flared out of control.I've been put through a major legal ordeal once before, and I know that documenting facts and lining up a network of support can be crucial to obtaining a good outcome.
Otherwise my regard for counselors is about like yours. Counseling is mostly for people who can't take charge of their own lives.
just let it go, if not - you're in SF, right? Just let me know, I know some people that know some people, that know yet OTHER people that really aren't very nice, and can be hired out at reasonable hourly rates...Counselors are great at recommending counseling and MORE counseling and if THAT doesn't work try another form of counseling... They may mean well, but they seem proficient at creating an endless condumdrum that may only be equaled by government bureaucracy in its inefficiency to actually solve anything.
Hope you can now get some peace of mind after such a creepy experience.
"I always play jazz records backwards, they sound better that way"
-Thomas Edison
It's called a "self-perpetuating revenue-stream" or, as it's known around here, as the "medical gravy-train"...In the "medical gravy-train" syndrome, you start by consulting a GP for a headache, who examines you and refers you to proctologist, who examines you and refers you to a podiatrist, who examines you and refers you to a gynaecologist, who examines you, realises finally that you're not female, and refers you to a cardiologist, who examines your and refers you to a urologist, who examines you and refers you to a campanologist, who says "fuck this!" and plays a bell-chorus with your genitalia - thus proving that the earth is indeed round....
"Don't roll those blood-shot eyes at me!"
We have the "medical freight gravy-train" in this country, with the ruthless pharmaceutical megacorps and corporate driven HMOs at the controls. Nice, profitable set-up all around for those in the engineers' seat...A friend was diagnosed with a rare and terminal lymph cancer last week. He's going to die from this, but the doctors will try to make his remaining days as "comfortable" as possible. Meanwhile, coincidently (?), his medical deductable through his respectable, blue collar employer just happened to increase $1,500 per year. Per office visit goes from $35 to $115, except he needs to see a specialist every week, so each visit is $135.00. Of course his prescriptions have tripled too...
Hard working, good people who really can't afford this in ANY conceivable fashion, let alone financially. The world can be so harsh and cruel on so many levels...
I don't think their insurance even covers counseling.
"I always play jazz records backwards, they sound better that way"
-Thomas Edison
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