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Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall
faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is
not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same
door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine or feline attendance
is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I
cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don’t.
2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(hence “fur”nature).
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it’s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
Eat less
Don’t ask for money all the time
Are easier to train
Normally come when called
Never ask to drive the car
Don’t smoke or drink
Don’t want to wear your clothes
And finally, If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
Follow Ups:
One of our cats thinks my sole function in life is to turn on the faucet and wait for him while he drinks.
Dave
Later Gator,
Crank up your talking machine, grab a jar of your favorite "kick-back", sit down, relax, and let the good times roll.
We even go for walks.Tuesday I went to the ebst record store in all Aussie, Abels - which is the same snootie shopping centre as the movie house which was showing
'Letters from Iwo Jima' and I spent all my vouchers from b'day and Xmas.
ALl were HMU reissues except the one with Manze doing Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. I bought two of one disc with Christie and Rousset playing two dual manual Harpsichords and incluidng Boccerini's Fandango as used in 'Master and Commander'.So I takes the disc down to my neighbour who betimes takes me to Musica Viva (web?) concerts.
And, GGGIII not only folloed me down and laid down on her porch, but he waited for me for a whole hour.
See, it CAN be done, maaaate!!!
WarmestTimbo in Oz
The Skyptical Mensurer and Audio ScroungerAnd gladly would he learn and gladly teach - Chaucer. ;-)!
'Still not saluting.'
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