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I was busy working to create a spreadsheet for a client-engagement when - after an incredibly hot, sticky and totally rainless week - the heavens decided to open and a thunderstorm made a not-so-quiet entrance.The wife was sitting esconced in front of the TV with Bill-the-Burmese comfortably curled up on her lap, so the next thing I knew was this unearthly shriek of "It's raining and the patio louvred roof is still wide open! Quick! Go close it - I've got Bill on my lap!"
So, I hurtled off at high speed to close the louvred roof and - while out there - also moved the patio furniture away from the edges of the roof to avoid splashing on the upholstery.
A few minutes later the rain departed the scene - somewhat more unobtrusively than it had arrived.
Twenty minutes later when the TV program she was watching came to an end, the wife goes trotting through to inspect the garden and see how much rain (<2mm) had fallen.
KABOOM! SHRIEK! YELL!
"YOU MOVED THE PATIO FURNITURE, DIDN'T YOU? IT WAS YOU THAT CHASED AWAY THE RAIN BY TAKING TOO MANY PRECAUTIONS!!"
Needless to say, I was somewhat taken aback by this shrieking harridan's unfounded attack and the ridiculous accusations, so I promptly informed her that she was "fucking mad!", "a raving lunatic" and various similar epithets.
Hello Dogbox!
Follow Ups:
Next time kick her ass out in the rain while you pet the pussey.
nt
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.......I think you should apologise immediately and stop being such an ogre.Maybe you are overdue to see your friendly proctologist?
Smile
when you have violated the primary rule for a long and happy marriage.She is always right.
When she is thought to be wrong, refer to previous rule.
Mine would be to gently smile, lift an eyebrow, maintain my calm and measured approach, and make a comment like, "Locking down our intelligence, and letting out our gremlins, are we?... Sit down calmly and quietly, and I'll let you know if - and when - you have returned to humanity...."...To the apparent surprise of friends, the effectiveness of this approach is underlined by the few times such an approach has had to be used during our marriage...
Friends who have used the "fucking mad"/"raving lunatic" approach have frequently reported rather less success in their endeavours, so I wish you the best!...
Bill.
N/T
"I always play jazz records backwards, they sound better that way"
-Thomas Edison
castrate her. Oh, nevermind.
Had she done things the right way, there would have been plenty of expletives coming out of her mouth, and you both would have been on equal footing.But I'm probably wrong. That theory never works at my house.
so she fell over a chair that you moved??? And blamed you because
she didn't look where she was going???
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