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Understanding an Engineer
Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding
my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to
the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes
probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those
guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greenkeeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?" The greenkeeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a
group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a
fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!"
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have
designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look
at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The
nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a
beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the
frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The
frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll
stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer
took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally,
the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess
and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't
you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time
for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
Two engineers???
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find
the height of this flagpole,"
said Steven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and
laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her
pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches,"
and walked away. One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good
that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!" Both
engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving
as members of Congress.
"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong" H. L. Mencken
Follow Ups:
Three engineers are riding in a car. One is a mechanical engineer, one is an electrical engineer, and one is a software engineer.
Suddenly, the car's engine sputters and conks out, so they pull over to the side of the road to figure out what's wrong.
"It sounds like a fuel problem to me" says the mechanical engineer, "so let's check the fuel pump."
"No" says the electrical engineer, "it sounds like a problem with the ignition control module. We should check that."
The software engineer says, "Well, I have no idea what's wrong. But maybe if we all get out of the car and then get back in, it will run again."
Happy listening,
Jim
"The passage of my life is measured out in shirts."
- Brian Eno
We had a similar list for arcitects, but being engineers, no one saw the humor.
On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
The drunkard comes to the guillotine next. He also decides to die face up, hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Again, the authorities take this as a sign of divine intervention, and they release the drunkard as well.
Next is the engineer. He, too, decides to die facing up. As they slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, the engineer suddenly says, "Hey, I see what your problem is ..."
Click below.
Warmest
Tim Bailey
Skeptical Measurer & Audio Scrounger
/
Most of these jokes are based on elements of truth
"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong" H. L. Mencken
redundant
----------------------
"E Burres Stigano?"
.
Letting the blinded firies play in the daylight is part of the club's thank you, makes it visible to all the club members, and it is disruptive to boot.
But I can see the gingerbeer's point! ;-)!
Warmest
Tim Bailey
Skeptical Measurer & Audio Scrounger
All they need is a tape measure a straight edge and a 180 degree arc drawing compass. Plus a knowledge of Pythagoras.
That would be MUCH safer, too.
:-)!
If it has a flag on it?
Warmest
Tim Bailey
Skeptical Measurer & Audio Scrounger
But, with the woman's approach, all they needed was a wrench and a tape measure. Who carries a compass around with them?
Even better, without even leaving the office, one of them could've called the Mechanical Plant Department or Architectural Planning, and asked "What's the height of the flagpole outside the entrance to building 17?" They'd have the answer within a matter of months.
:)
:-)
And, have you ever undone the bolts at the base of a flagpole? On your own?
I had a little bit to do with flagpoles in my time in the army, and I can assure you that she'd have needed both the engineers, at the very least, to hold the pole still, and then lower it, slowly.
Warmest
Tim Bailey
Skeptical Measurer & Audio Scrounger
I know a woman who always has a nice Swiss army knife and a tape measure with her, since she's in the interior design biz. She usually leaves the wrench and pliers to her helpers.
:)
But it wouldn't be anywhere near as humorous.
How about the guy with liberal arts degree? Do you want fries with that? LOL
"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong" H. L. Mencken
Engineers have given us a safe world to live in. Think about it.
The 'liberal arts' aka 'the humanities' is where engineers get the value system that drives them to keep on building a safe world for us.
How many engineers, systems analysts and 'liberal arts' graduates do you actually know? And if you do know any, do you realise how special they are?
My FILaw had a 'liberal arts' double-honours degree in Classics (Latin, Ancient History and Greek) and in English, from Sydney University. Later on he received an MA from London University College.
Most of these people died before they could tell us what they did during the war.
Just after the war he was offered a post, at our equivalent of West Point, as a lecturer in English. He retired as Professor.
Not long before he died he received the United Kingdom's 'Bletchely Park Medal' officially called the 'Government Code and Cypher School Medal' for his work during WWII in code breaking.
Bletchely Park is where Britain/UK finally broke Enigma, and the Geheimschrieber codes.
Useless people these 'liberal arts' folks, aren't they?
Maybe not?
Without brilliant humanities / 'liberal arts' people the Western Allies would not have won the code-war in WWII.
Warmest
Tim Bailey
Skeptical Measurer & Audio Scrounger
Tim,
I understood your post just fine and I realize what you are saying.I figured you posted the parts you found funny and I posted the parts I found the most funny.
I guess maybe we have a different perception of humor in the areas we come from. Being so many college grads with liberal arts degrees are not working in their respective fields and many are working at burger joints,this is why we find it funny because there is so much of it.I wasn't trying to analyze what you were saying or thinking one way or the other.I was simply pointing out the part I found funny.
"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong" H. L. Mencken
First off, Mikey, thank you for the polite response! ;~)!
your signature tag by HL Mencken is, in its own way a statement of Mencken's own 'liberal arts' limitations.
In fact, as I have showed you - with the bus driver/conductor problem, there sometimes really are, simple, and clear solutions that dissolve the problem / make the problem go away.
HL Mencken happens to be one of my favourite American writers, but his limited vision / training drives that quote.
Some problems, like radical islamisicism, just don't have simple solutions. Bother / bugger, eh?!
So when HL Mencken says that NO such simple gordian-knot-cut solutions can exist he is just plain wrong. Try to believe me here.
One day soon I will be able to report on how the new 63s plus swarm subs is sounding.
When you are in full Summer, and I'm in full WINTER, I will be able to tell you if I prefer SS to the LEAKs strapped in mono, into the filtered 63s. AS you prescribed.
Tired old, grumpy, cancerous Timbo.
:-)! and ;-)!
Warmest
Tim Bailey
Skeptical Measurer & Audio Scrounger
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