It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it becomes
harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as they did
when they were younger. When men notice this, they should try not to yell.
Let me relate how I handle the situation.
When I got laid off from my consulting job and took "early retirement" in
January, it became necessary for Jan to get a full-time job, both for
extra income and for health benefits that we need. She was a trained
medical transcriptions when we met twenty-eight years ago and she was very
fortunate to land a job at a local transcription house. It was shortly
after she started working at this job that I noticed that she was
beginning to show her age.
I usually get home from fishing or hunting about the same time she gets
home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says
that she has to rest for half hour or so before she starts supper. I try
not to yell at her when this happens. Instead, I tell her to take her time.
I understand that she is not as young as she used to be. I just tell her
to wake me when she finally gets supper on the table.
She used to wash and dry the dishes as soon as we finished eating. It is
now not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after
supper. I do what I can by gently reminding her several times each evening
that they aren't cleaning themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it
does seem to help her get them done before she goes to bed.
Our washer/dryer are in the basement. When she was younger, Jan used to be
able to go up and down stairs all day and not get tired. Now that she is
older she seems to get tired so much more quickly. Sometimes she says she
just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of
this. As long as she finishes up laundry the next evening I am willing to
overlook it. If I need something ironed to wear to the Monday Harley
meeting or to Wednesday or Saturday poker club or to Tuesday or Thursday
bowling or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next
evening to do the ironing. This gives her more time to do some of those
odds and ends things like maybe shampooing the cat, vacuuming or dusting.
Also, if I have had a really good day fishing, this allows her to gut and
scale the fish at a more leisurely pace.
Jan is starting to complain a little occasionally. Not often, mind you,
but just enough for me to notice. For example, she will say that it is
difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch
hour. In spite of her complaining, I continue to try to offer
encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days.
That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing
lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her anyway, if you know what I
mean.
When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs more rest periods than
she used to have to take. A couple of weeks ago she said she had to take a
break when she was only 1/2 finished mowing the yard. I overlook comments
like these because I realize it's just age talking. In fact, I try not to
embarrass her when she needs these little extra rest breaks. I tell her to
fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just
sit for a while. I even offer to have one with her, as she may as well
make one for me too, and take her break by the hammock so she can talk
with me until I fall asleep.
I could go on and on, but I think you know where I'm coming from. I know I
probably look like a saint in the way I support Jan on a daily basis. I'm
not saying that the ability to show this much consideration is easy.
Many men find it difficult. Some will find it impossible.
No one knows better than I how frustrating women can become as they get
older.
My purpose in writing this is simply to suggest you make the effort.
Achieving the exemplary level of consideration I've attained is out of
reach for the average man. However, guys, even if you just yell at your
wife a little less often because of this article, I will consider that
writing it was worthwhile.
Henry
Editor's note: Henry's funeral was on Saturday.
(Jan was acquitted Monday.)