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I'm missing my balls

205.188.192.47
Posted on March 31, 2001 at 12:58:16
Audiophilander
 First of all, let me commend Mothra Research on their wonderful products. I couldn't be happier with the sound of your cables. Which brings up the reason for this post... Last evening, after an especially loud listening session playing Grand Funk Railroad, I thought I saw one of my Mothra speaker cables move. Now I know that sounds silly, and after thinking about it, I chalked it up to having my brain Grand Funked for three solid hours leaving me in no condition to trust what I thought I saw. At any rate, I turned out the lights in my listening room, got into bed, kissed my iguanas goodnight, and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
After awakening this morning, excited at the prospect of kicking out the jams with a day full of King Crimson, Black Sabbath and Ritchie Blackmore's Rainbow, I headed back to my listening room. The scream I let out upon entering was loud enough to drive my iguanas under my bed's covers in terror, scratching my wife's legs in the process. What caused my horrible screams was seeing that the stands that hold my beautiful Gallo Nucleus Solo speakers were empty, and there, right in the middle of each Mothra speaker cable was a round lump, easily the size and shape of an NBA basketball. Now, I realize this story sounds a bit far fetched, and no, I haven't been nipping the cooking sherry, but the evidence sure does point to your cables having swallowed my speakers. I followed your hookup instructions perfectly, and, as you recommend, I've kept pets and small children away from them, but never in my wildest dreams did I figure those things would devour my balls.
I'm much too afraid now to go near the damn things now, and my Jethro Tull CDs sound muffled, (like a veil has been placed over the music) so would it be possible for you to send out one of your clean up crews to remove the Solos from my speaker cables?

Warm regards,
Audy
Re: I'm missing my balls, posted on December 16, 2002 at 13:19:36
Tuckers
Manufacturer

Posts: 1870
Location: San Francisco
Joined: September 29, 2001
 You oviously didn't read the appendices. Appendix XX clearly states that if your speakers are inferior (defined by easily swallowable) they will become intergrated into the cable interface. But don't worry, Mothra promises that this is part of the breakin process, and when fully digested will come out again better aligned, tuned, and laquered with a special coating that might smell a bit, but will sound gorgeus. So please wail away with the King Crimson, it will help digestion.
Bogus post., posted on June 16, 2001 at 10:33:36
Audiophilander
Audiophile

Posts: 27661
Location: Fort Worth (D/FW Metroplex)
Joined: March 31, 2000
 The above message was left by someone using my registered name without my permission.

AuPh
Re: Sweetheart, posted on June 17, 2001 at 04:17:10
Jasmine
 How do we know this is really you? Say something liberal for verification, please.
Since those first two messages were posted using a forged ID..., posted on June 19, 2001 at 07:56:39
Audiophilander
Audiophile

Posts: 27661
Location: Fort Worth (D/FW Metroplex)
Joined: March 31, 2000
 ... they obviously came from the underage Bush girls. I say quit pussyfooting around and bust 'em!

Is that good enough for ya, toots?

AuPh (the original)
Re: I'm missing my balls, posted on April 5, 2001 at 11:47:37
Jasmine
 Dear Mr. Philander,

Please stop by Jazzie's place some evening and I'd be happy to do a little something extra that is guaranteed to put your balls back where they belong.

Please be advised that Mothra Research products have been known to shrivel up and die after long listening sessions with John Denver, Barry Manilow or Grand Funk Railroad. Be careful, and your Mothra Research products should enjoy a long life.

Jasmine, saving a seat for you in her very special chair
RTFM, posted on April 1, 2001 at 13:58:42
Rod M
Web Geek

Posts: 3649
Location: So. California
Joined: March 1, 1999
Contributor
  Since: March 1, 1999
 I must admit that I find this story a bit far fetched. Assuming that it's not just an Arpil Fool's joke, I can only wonder if you fully read the manual and followed the detailed instructions. In the section under the care, feeding and break-in of Mothra cables, my manual states quite clearly the prior to hookup, one must leave a burnt offering of lamb chops and play only Bruckner for the first 100 hours. I know it sounds silly and I felt awfully rediculous doing it, but I did and have had none of the problems you've described. My cables perform perfectly with bone wrenking bass that's the envy of my neighborhood.
Re: RTFM, posted on April 1, 2001 at 14:29:15
Audiophilander
 Well, yes, I did read the section you refer to, but do you have any idea how expensive lamb chops are? My wife (whose iguana scratches may very well require hospitalization) and I both thought that leaving a couple of pig's knuckles and a boiled neckbone from last Thanksgiving's turkey would suffice.

Geeeez, Hi-end audio isn't cheap, is it?
Bogus post; I'm not amused. (nt), posted on June 16, 2001 at 10:35:52
Audiophilander
Audiophile

Posts: 27661
Location: Fort Worth (D/FW Metroplex)
Joined: March 31, 2000
 (nt)

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