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Inmate Central

Men Strike Back!

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How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Jim
Audio Apprentice

Follow Ups:

Good ones - psgary 13:49:02 07/08/05 (0)
One always can do with some good laughs after a stretch in a classroom. (Teaching summer school)
A man goes for a drink with his secretary... - DevillEars 13:38:23 07/08/05 (1)
... followed by a romantic dinner and they wind up at her pad, where he duly has his way with her. By the time he gets away, its almost 2am and, as he's driving home, he begins to think what his wife is going to say/do/etc.
He gets home, parks the car in the garage and pops the glove compartment. Inside he finds a block of snooker cue chalk, takes it and smears it all over his cuffs.
When he gets inside the house, his wife is standing in the hallway with her arms crossed: "And where the hell have you been until this ungodly hour?" she asks.
He proceeds to describe how he took his secretary for a drink/meal and horizontal calisthenics.
His wife interrupts him and says: "Stop lying! You've been out playing snooker with the boys again, haven't you?"
- geez EARS, in my version, told here already! he grabs the chalk from his glovebox, and puts the chalk behind his ears! - Timbo in Oz 15:02:52 07/08/05 (0)
  , and people say I'm not subtle!?
  The serious flaw in yours is, she'll leap up to put his shirt in the wash after a quick spray, and she'll - notice the lippie on the collar or other make-up, - OR smell it/him, and she'll KNOW!
  
  Warmest
  Timbo in Oz
  The Skyptical Mensurer and Audio Scrounger
  'Still not saluting.'
  Read about and view system at:
  http://www.theanalogdept.com/tim_bailey.htm
That post kind of reminds me of this..... - Todd A. 13:22:55 07/08/05 (0)
15 Reasons Why a Beer is Better Than a Woman
A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
When you go to a bar you know you can always pick up a beer.
A beer won't get upset if you come home and have beer on your breath.
You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
If you pour a beer right you'll always get good head.
Hangovers go away.
When you're finished with a beer the bottle is still worth 5 cents.
You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
A beer always goes down easy.
You can share a beer with your friends.
Beer is always wet.
You always know you are the first one to pop a beer.
A frigid beer is a good beer.
You can have more than one beer and not feel guilty.
You can enjoy a beer all month long.
Source Unknown
Re: Strike Back! TOUCHE !!!!! This is an absolute BLAST!! Thanks Sub.....nt - Godfather 13:13:39 07/08/05 (0)
.
Always remember.... - DevillEars 08:52:51 07/08/05 (0)
... that in any domestic difference, if you are ultimately proved to have been right - apologise immediately!
It is nice to see political correctness is going out of style. - bwkendall 06:27:58 07/08/05 (2)
Pretty funny stuff there, Jim!
- But remember, if Dianne reads it... - Muzikmike 08:22:26 07/08/05 (1)
  You must say these words: "I'm sorry, dear. It's my fault. I promise never to do it again!"
  Sleaze the day!
  - Have you seen those picture frames that can play recorded messages? - bwkendall 10:32:56 07/08/05 (0)
    I think I should give her a framed photo of myself with those words recorded on it.

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