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I said I would post it so here it is.One night I am jamming and a knock comes on the door. It was loud, I thought it either a friend or one of the neighbors to tell me to turn it down. We all knew each other in the hood and they didn't call the police. but I guess some new people moved in and people being paranoid how they are, even back in the early 1990s when this happened, someone called the law. So I just yell "It's open" and in walks the cops. Apparently they had gotten some calls before but due to certain circumstances they did not come. (connections actually, I had courtesy cards) My clout was not working this time. Top cop Simone who would bust his own Mother was there.
Pretty much dragged me out to the car, I said "You want me to turn that off ?" and he said "I'll turn it off". Now, I had this Pioneer receiver that had a kickass tuner but the amp was, not fried but it just didn't work right. Back then there was no hifiengine to get the print so I just used it as a tuner, the amp was at the bottom of the stack ad the CD was playing which was a Sony D-5 or something, a portable.
They wrote me the ticket and when I got back in the house like every plug was pulled out of the back of my system. Then I go to the bathroom and I smell shit. He took a shit in my house ! Well at least he flushed.
Back then I used to pay my fines and called the clerk of courts and found the waiver is like $50 plus court costs. Screw that, I am pretty sure a judge would fine me less than that. We he did, ten bucks, plus court costs which IIRC were $57. I brought $60 with me, figuring that would cover it. Nope, seven bucks short.
Well this judge had a bug up his ass that day and was not giving time to pay, or even a phone call. I told them I can have the rest of the money down here in ten minutes.
Nope. They ran us all out to what we call "The Workhouse". Thing is, this judge overloaded the system and we did not get "processed". There were people in there selling cigarettes, playing poker for real money, I am surprised nobody lit up a joint.
it was like 95F that day and this place they put us was like 65F. I was in heaven. This Black dude was whining it is too cold and I said "Git up, go sit over there, you are right over the AC duct". Then I took his seat.
Nobody got a phone call until later. We had this double house and split it, me and the olman split the bills and just lived there because more room and most tenants are more trouble than they are worth. So I finally got my phone call and called the house and said "I hope you didn't pay this fine because I am at the workhouse", he said "Of course I didn't. and BTW, your income tax check is here".
That year was not all that good, I had W-2s, W-1099s, and some unemployment. There were three ways to figure out my taxes, one I owed them, two they owed me, three they owed me a bunch more. When I filed I just put "DO IT FOR ME" and signed it. (you know you can do that right ?)
They figured it in my best favor. I was laughing right there on the phone, like I knew if they ever tried to audit me I could just say "YOU DID MY TAXES". Talk to preparer ! LOL
I was only in the jail overnight and laughed almost the whole time. They fucking with me like "Watch out for this dude, he is in here for a loud stereo" n shit. I am serious, if I could get beer in there I would have wanted to stay.
The whole ordeal was hilarious. I think I missed a day of work but who cares ? You couldn't buy entertainment like this with Trump's money. And a day's work ? I made about a hundred a day back then and my house payment was $250. Do the math, I could afford this.
Actually the only bad thing was they didn't feed us. Jail food used to be alright but it has gotten so bad it is like eat it or starve. I know, plus I know from other people. I haven't been to jail in many years but decades ago the food was almost good. Almost.
Yeah, we bought a fixer upper and the value tripled. Then the sewer went so I sold it off at a loss a couple of years ago. Pisses me off how cheap it was to fix that. I actually had a guy starting to do that but he got a hernia digging. A little bit of bad luck, move on. In fact he has it worse than me so I got no room to bitch.
But anyway, this, and a few other incidents are the reason they got me flagged on the computer. DO NOT TAKE THIS GUY IN. While I can't get away with murder of course, I would have to do really do something bad to get thrown in jail. I got a DUI in 2010, released THE SAME NIGHT on my own recognisance. No bail. Under suspension, beer between my legs, all that and WALKED. And it was a state trooper, and they are not known for that. I jumped paper on that in 2011 (that means blow off probation and their shit they want you to do) and no warrants show up. My connections are/were not THAT good to last that long. Though I did take a call one time and the guy said the olman's assault with a deadly weapon warrant was quashed. But most of these people must be dead.
I think it is more that they got it through their head that they don't scare me. Take me to jail. Know what, maybe I'll be a Black Jew and you have to treat me for sickle cell and Tay Sach's. Every ache and pain will result in cost for you to treat me. I am your prisoner and as such I got rights. I got 191 on an IQ test and while I know I got lucky and I am NOT 191, I am not stupid. At the time I was taking alot of IQ tests online, the lowest were like 125 n shit, a bunch around 150. And I have interacted with cops. They know.
They know if they ever fuck with me I am going to work the system. They also know that a convicted murderer had a sex change operation on the taxpayer's money. And they know I know that.
And now you know why I don't call them sir.
It is not a matter of disrespect, I have respect for them. They did all this shit for this job and got a terrible responsibility and they handle it. This is commendable, but calling them sir seems to indicate you got something to hide.
Buddy of mine, damn this is cool, he was doing some illegal dumping down in the flats. Those dumping laws only exist to make legal dumps money and pay their taxes, the flats is a dump here. So him and his helper are dumping and up pops a cop. "What you guys doing here ?", "Picking this shit up".
Barney Fife anyone ?
I don't mean to get really serious here but shit happens. The government is not that smart.
Old hillbilly Jack B was driving down the road. I noticed a big bag of weed on the seat. I asked if he was worried about that if he got stopped and he said "They won't bother an older guy like me about that, a younger guy like you yeah, but I ain't worried about it". I thought he was full of shit at the time but now I know. They won't. They stopped me in 2007 peeling tires (not that I wanted to but a front wheel drive with the wheel turned all the way will chirp, and it was labor day) had a joint in my pocket, a 30 pack of beer in the back with about eight out of it and one between my legs, under suspension and even loud music. Wrote me for all of that and I walked but they towed my car. And my eleven other warrants did not show up for some reason.
These assholes don't scare me a bit.
Have fun. Turn it up until the cops come. Not that I am Springsteen fan but he got that right.
Edits: 12/03/16Follow Ups:
I never claimed to be Ernest Hemmingway.I do admit that I did alot of irresponsible shit when It was young, luckily nobody got hurt. One thing that helped is I knew how to drive. You have to think where someone starts from. If you have trouble backing out of a driveway or parallel parking, get someone else to take you to the bar. I could practically do it in my sleep.
Some people joked that I could fix electronic equipment with my eyes closed, now my eyesight is really bad and it almost seems like it. Plus, there are plenty of times when you can't see what you're doing anyway, unless you got Xray vision.
Anyway, I threw all that in there because of all the shit I did NOT go to jail for, and then I DID go to jail for a loud stereo. The irony.
Another thing is I used to build car amps, back before they were all over the place. Had a center tapped output choke and produced 30 or so watts RMS into 8 ohms, around 50 into 4. These assholes today would call that 500 watts because IHF and FTC regulations on reporting power output do not apply to car audio, or actually for you musicians, pro audio. Good companies like Yamaha for example, do adhere to the standards. And look what they cost.
Actually, 30 real watts a channel is alot for a car. I sold a few as well, people were blowing speakers all the time. Everyone had these little EQs that said "200 WATTS" on them but only had a 4 amp fuse. Mine had a 15 amp fuse on each channel. (they were not all that efficient but it wasn't so much that as the current fluctuation as there was no filtering needed, thus there was no filtering) And I had a 1970 Olds Toronado so I could not change the front speaker, so one was in a small cabinet. I used to stick it on top of the car and supplied music for neighborhoods or get togethers in the park. Damn that car was fast. I'm kinda surprised I survived it. Over 100 MPH and I still had a passing gear. It was like WHOA, that'll do. Even my young and dumb and full of cum ass knew that some things are just too much. That car, I shit you not, would rip the asphalt right up off the street. I think it was the best car General Motors ever made. You can pick them up for about thirty grand these days, which is triple the MSRP in 1970. Linear torsion bar suspension in the front. Special rims and zero caster, camber and toe in/out. Ceramic brake pads.
I almost wish I had one today but I don't have the money, plus cars like that get stolen way too much. You almost can't get insurance if you intend to drive it, and why have it if you can't drive it ? There are probably places in like Arizona or whatever you can, but they got it all up the ass about weed and I happen to like weed. So fuck all that. Maybe Utah, maybe I'll check that out. But if I parked something like that on the street here it would be gone in sixty seconds. Kinda unreasonable to ask work, the grocery store, the beer store and whatever to have ultra secure parking just for me.
But really, I wouldn't mind a 1974 Pinto. I had a couple of them, stick shift of course.
They'll steal those too though. A buddy of ours wanted me to talk to the cops for him, his car got stolen. Pretty much a shitcan but was good enough. So I a talking to the cop and said "W@hy the hell would anyone want to steal that car ?". He said "Well they steal that car to go steal a good car". I said "That is insulting". He didn't quite know what to say.
And some punks stole my car. A 1987 Buick LeSabre. Peeled the column of course as those were easy, then used it for a robbery. The cops called and the car was still running ! (they would call us to see if we could pick the car up instead of paying for the tow, even though this one wasn't even in my name LOL) Nobody could shut it off. Pisses me off because I had just filled the tank and I got it back with less than ¼ tank in it. Then there was the cost of the steering column, can of spray paint for it and then $92 for one of those column locks to make sure it ever happens again.
And then the engine fell out of it ! They rust on the body where the engine mounts and that happens to late 1980s GM cars.
Now I got this buddy who buys all kinds of strange cars. Right now he has a Porsche. He had a Kia, a Saab, damifino and all stickshift. Like he doesn't know how to drive an automatic. But they ran when he bought them so I guess he isn't doing all that bad.
Enough, I don't want to fatigue you.
Edits: 12/05/16
I am with you , didn't mean to dismiss what you said I agree with everything you said.
There is something to liberation, you have understood.
I laugh at the clowns as well. These guys aren't above the law of the bullet, they should not only watch their back but front too. I assume they just wasted your time, also good luck with your car situation, god bless.
I don't have a problem with that, but try to post when you aren't stoned.
When I rented, the FIRST thing I did was try to convince ALL MY NEW NEIGHBORS that I was DEAF.
Nobody EVER thought about a Deaf Stereophile.
I never abused the privilage. Turned it down about 8pm maybe 9pm and never UP before maybe noon or so.
Too much is never enough
autobiography?
You seem to not appreciate the cops. I tell you what, if the shit hits the fan, don't bother to dial 911. I think you and your awesome brain power should handle it yourself.
I don't have an extraordinary IQ, but I don't drive a vehicle when drinking with an open container and risk the lives of other innocent people. I have never had a run in with the law, been arrested or been to jail. I must be smarter than I give myself credit for.
Also, learn to edit. It took me three visits here and pure boredom to get through your post. I read it in installments over two days.
it's called 'stream of consciousness'
Too much is never enough
Well it takes some time to get into a Faulkner. You have to do a little mind shift, and then the story becomes riveting, but this guy isn't Faulkner.
It went in and out for me.
If the OP had to make a living as a writer, he wouldn't.
Too much is never enough
Here where I live you'll just get a bullet in your head for that.
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"E Burres Stigano?"
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