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Let's say you had a stereo system you loved and a woman you loved, and said woman really, really wanted to redesign the living space in a way that was incompatible with the system. What would you do?
Follow Ups:
My wife has always been accomodating. When we built the second story, I took over the biggest room, which has the best view, for audio/video, and she's never complained.
It just dawned on me that the $45,000 kitchen remodel in progress may be a form or psychological retribution on her part. Dang, she's clever. ;-)
See ya. Dave
I've had many women snd none lasted as long as my sound system...so NO.
And I would want none of them back.
Living in The Land of the Sun
The woman I loved, should she actually love me in return, would NEVER ask me to make that choice.
Too much is never enough
eh?!
:-)
Warmest
Tim Bailey
Skeptical Measurer & Audio Scrounger
.., "Would you give up your penis for a woman you loved?" Impossible, it takes both things to make a relationship.A better question might be, "How will you fit your system into her... decor?"
Edits: 05/07/15
;-)
Warmest
Tim Bailey
Skeptical Measurer & Audio Scrounger
That's what she said.
...a friend bought a pair of floorstanding, unusually shaped speakers from me.
His wife said, "Get those butt-ugly speakers out of my living room!"
No surprise they are now divorced.
If no reasonable compromise could be reached, then I would keep my rig. Even with upgrading factored in it's a fraction of the cost - a lot less hassle too.
.
Get a new designer and keep the wife.
No, no, no, you're doing it all wrong!
"Dear, of course, you're right, let's move the stereo out and redecorate this space. To do it right, we really need to create a dedicated room for the stereo!"
Cerebrate!
been married 41 years to a great woman. she has never worked, and allows me to be very very involved in high end audio. as many know, I have a barn with a dedicated room and very high end system. and she has allowed me to do all this understanding how it balances my quite intense job. and she knows where I am and sees how it helps me.the other day I had bought another audio bobble and thanked her for her support.
she said; "don't confuse understanding with support".
made sense to me.....what more could one ask for than a woman who understands?
I can always get another audio system, but I'm married for life and no complaints.
and no; I would not give up my wife/woman for an audio system. but I would not be with a woman who did not understand me either.
mikel
Edits: 05/05/15 05/05/15 05/05/15 05/05/15
nt
Just looked at your system. Wow. I also use a Zerodust, so I'd like to think we have a lot in common!
Mike, The best room in my house doesn't look that good!!
;-)
(Something tells me that we have a very different idea of what a barn looks like!)
Hey, BTW, my daughter is in 4H, and I was wondering if I could temporarily put her stupid chickens in your barn.
(It would just be for a short while.
Probably the fifteen seconds it would take you to hunt them down and make them into a chicken dinner!)
the barn before modification.
Edits: 05/05/15
awesome room mike! I'd hardly call that a barn.
.
Kind regards,
bg
People over things.
-Wendell
Best trade I ever made!
.
Only because if I give up a system, I'd have a few more.... [-;
NO!
Look....this is a no win situation.
You want peace and harmony...hopefully she does too.
Let her know it is critical to you that you have your music and it is necessary as part of your makeup as a man.
I checked out your speakers...they are not monstrously large. Here is a suggestion, voice to her that the true resolution is a compromise.
Can you relocate your components to a part of the room where they are not as obvious? Get longer high quality speaker cables and place the speakers where they need to be....with all her stuff, you may have to sacrifice soundstage....OK, no prob. Or.... move those speakers in and out of their best location when its time to have your listen...a compromise, but doable . Get the picture ? Let her know you are willing to compromise and that way you wont have feelings that will ultimately compromise the relationship.... its that important... it doesnt have to be a power struggle...no one wins that one.
Hmmm, It's true with the size of the speakers and system . I haven't checked before but they are 10 times smaller than mine (17Cu, Ft) which reside in only slightly bigger space than yours and are even not playing since it's an ongoing project so I had to put another smaller ones(about the size of your speakers) next to the big boxes and ....a pair of sizable subwoofers. She is fairly happy with the big boxes cuz she knows as long as the boxes stay I'm sticking around as well (fackers are really heavy to move truth to be told ;) Both of the speakers are really well made though and match her style. Last weekend I dragged in a 5 channel small Tannoy Arena cuties so one day we can move on from a stone age of cathode ray TV set and buy a flat TV (I know...;) and have slightly better movie experience. She loved the set from the first sight and joked that if I sail away she is keeping those. She may be a cantankerous bitch with deadly mood sings and not very fond of music and art for that matter but she surely knows a man got to have his space
A man's gotta have his release.My previous wife had no problem with my stereo stuff; we lasted 22 yrs. I explained to my current wife before we got married (and before she moved in to live with me) that my music room was 'my' room for stereo equipment and anyone could enjoy it with me. I further explained she could have every other room in the house, but the stereo room had to be my mine. No exceptions, so far no problems (yet).
My work schedule often zig-zags with my wife's. Some days I'm off during the week while she's away at work. This gives me ample time and opportunity to 'let loose' on my system for many hours on end.
Edits: 05/04/15 05/04/15 05/05/15
Ask yourself just how much of the house is actually in your control. All you want is just one wall! If she really loved you, she wouldn't push it.
Edits: 05/04/15
He had been single, and the stereo was in the basement.. When he got married they moved to a condo (with no basement.)
So he decided to sell me the system. It was old but decent. I made a bit of money selling off the parts.
I kept the 25 year old Dynavector Ruby 23 phono cartridge.
And out of wheeling and dealing I ended up with a 'free' Audio Research SP-15 (which I still use for the great three tube phono section)
He retired and I have not kept up with the results of his getting married..
Man and woman at the altar with thought ballons over their heads.
The man's reads 'This is great, now I can have sex whenever I want'.
The woman's read 'This is great, now I never have to have sex again'.
"A lie is half-way around the world before the truth can get its boots on."
-Mark Twain
she could have stayed single.
roger wang
Are you living in an 800 square foot condo?
Do you only have one room between the two of you for all your hobbies?
Fair is fair. I will say I've got a buddy whose wife made him get rid of his subwoofer because 'she didn't like how it looked'. They've got a big house, I would have told her to take a hike.
"A lie is half-way around the world before the truth can get its boots on."
-Mark Twain
I missed her for a little while.
That your aim is improving?
;}
...she's beyond my range of distance. :)
.
Next it will be your other hobbies, then your dog, then all your old friends, then your favorite food . . . you get the idea.
Being "in love" is hardly the ideal psychological state in which to make rational decisions tat affect your future. Guys make all kind of dumb mistakes, with lifetime repercussions, while tripping on their own reproductive hormones.
Too many women these days have the idea that once they get their claws into a guy, they own him and can dictate every aspect of his life. And every time they win another round, and the guy backs down, they lose a little more respect for him, until they regard him as their passive, manipulable clown puppet.
Don't fall for it. Your music system makes you happy. She will make you miserable. Keep the hi-fi. Ditch the bitch.
Absolutely , no question about that but only under condition that she would not demand it knowing that I really want to keep the system. Don't think twice if she's the ONE. You know, the feelings crumble rather fast and life gets in the way and everything sets against that initial "love" , Why not enjoy it while it's still in full bloom and magic's sparkle? Apparently some men can fall in love in every supper attractive pair of legs which crosses their path but personally I think that it's a pretty rare occurrence which affects us only once or twice in a lifetime. Most of couples are sadly a marriage of convenience. Music on table radio ,in the car ,live, and on small system can be a rewarding experience and we in this hobby at least once completely forget that the system is not the end but just a meaning or vessel to get there.
I also have troubles with women related to Audio but I absolutely agree that it went out of hand many moons ago and it's a clinical study of a obsessive compulsive behavior :0)
PS
Of course I witnessed examples when man supports the family , has a big house full of designer's "showrooms" which nobody really use and he's allowed to keep small pair of designer approved speakers in some obscure corner. In that instances I think he deserves it.
On the other hand one can hardly blame women for not wanting an "altar " full of blue LED eye piercing ,grotesque looking cookware junk in the middle of the room sided by AVATAR speakers surrounded by miles of cables.
Rgrds, W
Seen plenty of guys lose pretty much everything in divorces.
Wouldn't it make more sense to give up something dear for someone you actually love?
That said? Sounds like the ideal time to put on an addition specifically tailored to enhance the system in question. In the mean time? Put the gear in storage & let the little lady have her way with the existing space. :)
That's also true and the first thing they want after they already stripped you out of money is your stereo which they always passionately hated ..
" American woman , stay away from meee e..." ha ha ha
> > In the mean time? Put the gear in storage & let the little lady have her way with the existing space. :) < <
No fucking way would I do that!! Put the little lady in storage (cryo, perhaps?) and have *your* way with the existing space. That's a two-fer if ever I saw one...The only potential downside I can see is that she might come out even more frigid than before she went in. In that case, get you an AudioDharma cable cooker and have a go with it....
Old joke: You know why women have 2 sets of lips? So they can piss and moan at the same time.... Bada-bing!!
-RW-
.
gr8 post
and knew how much music means to you, she would not force you to give that up. Just saying..
My wife has been very supportive of my sound system and music hobby.
enjoy,
mark
.
I knew for a long time that the wife didn't like my floor standing speakers. She made occasional comments, but no demands to remove them. So one Christmas she received a Klipsch surround system - four tiny, tinny front/rear and a decent center to go with our existing sub - and is thrilled with the sound and the improved decor. It took a while to afford a new amp, but now I have a dedicated audio room, and we're both happy.
Give and take, also known as compromise, it essential to any successful relationship.
fixing "broken" men is a female hobby.
The idea of being broken-in, like some house pet, is very revolting.
8^)
Being cryo'd is a much more revolting thought. However, staying rock hard all night long might have its advantages...
-RW-
Essential for the cryo-ing process. If your willy is going to get frozen at all, make sure it's pointing in the right direction...
of our A-Frame in La Honda. And Rhonda Jane dancing in front of them, which was the purpose anyway....
I'd really rather not have my main system in the living room either. Her piano looks better and provides enjoyment for both of us.
I've lived in homes with basements or a spare large bedroom for the stats.
Assuming you're both reasonable people, you ought to be able to allocate space in the home to accommodate both of your priorities. If your home can't accommodate that for whatever reason, move. If you can't afford to move, find a compromise.
This should not be an either-or decision, or a battle to see who "wins". If it is, the relationship is not healthy and you need to solve that problem first before worrying about audio and decorating.
My wife and I did clash over the living room, but over usage, not aesthetics (I have the eye for design, not her). She is a TV and film junkie and likes to sit in front of a fire, while I prefer music. So we put some effort and money into a nice fireplace and arranged the room for viewing the TV and fireplace. We directed some audio funds into HT sound, and aesthetics was a consideration in selecting stuff. Then I took a small finished room downstairs and spent a couple years experimenting and building in room treatments to make it suitable for audio. It is home to a dedicated system. I can unwind there before going to sleep without disturbing anyone too much, dicker with my system, or take my young daughter down there and bop to some music when my wife can't take her anymore. We're both pretty happy with the arrangement, but there are times when she wants me to watch a movie with her upstairs but I want her to listen to music with me downstairs.
Keep the Stereo.
she might realize that the audio system is not an obstacle to that. mine had the sense to REALLY love me.
...regards...tr
Whether it's audio or ham radio,many women view those two hobbies as the other woman.These are two of the most holsum hobbies anyone could have if you don't let it consume the family budget which both have the potential to do.Be that as it may,most don't let it drain on household expenses and yet I find many women become enraged at the thought of you spending an afternoon talking across the world or spinning some vinyl with your buddies.It's like many women don't want to take part in either hobby even tho both of them have become more female friendly in the last 25 years.
It isn't like you're out at the bar boozing and whoring with a bunch of floozies.You are home and while there are some women who get into these hobbies,many still consider them a man's game with no place for the opposite gender.
I'm glad I raised my daughter to be involved in these hobbies while maintaining her feminine side so now she has the best of both worlds.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public
H. L. Mencken
Edits: 05/04/15 05/04/15 05/05/15
My wife is an extra class ham too and I never steered here there, she just decided she wanted to get her ticket so as not to have to be third partied into the conversation.
She is also cool on my audio and electronics in general. She gets an award for her tolerance.
E
T
Makes it nice.Did she pass the Extra class with or without CW? I never upgraded from advanced but being I'm on 3880 AM phone most of the time,I didn't bother with it.I got my general back in the late 70s but even tho it was 13wpm then,I only had to like 1 minute perfect copy of what the VE's sent.Now all that's gone.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public
H. L. Mencken
With the grief I have gotten in the past, maybe I might as well have gone out boozing or womanizing...the response would have been similar I think.
LOL
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public
H. L. Mencken
It is not suprising that many audiophiles are not married except to their hobby.
Everyone has their own definition of love when it comes to music and their systems. If you are passionate about your system and the joy it brings you I have one thing to ask you about your scenario.
Can you say to yourself that you'll never hold a grudge or harbor a deep disappointment with the compromise?
There are many ways to listen to music but I get the greatest joy and fulfillment from Classic two channel systems. It frustrated me to no end when I compromised an absolutely killer system and room for the sake of style to make her happy. To be clear I am a musician and music is a part of my soul, my connection to the universe. It's what allows me to breath some days. My agreement to the showcase living room destroyed that systems ability completely which I had not expected to be that severe. Years of putzing around trying to make it work ended in a complete removal of the system and sold off most of the gear I had. It may sound petty to some but it did leave a pain that I hid from her for almost 10 years but the real point of my story is the fact that I grew ever more angry and an unhealthy relationship manifested from it. The room sees traffic thrice a year for holiday parties, otherwise the French door are closed and it's a museum not a living room.
Does that sound like what may happen to you?
Can you "not" hold that grudge or harbor what may be a deeply disappointing feeling of loss and not hold it against her?
Just say, no. If she asks, "What's that?", then you're too late. Ask her how you might help her to rearrange your life.
...I had this stereo in my living room before you moved in - don't make me chose.
That was 32 years ago.
Move the system to the Drawing room.
Bill
want to do that?
.
My experience is that women don't like the competition for the time you are spending on your hobbies...it seems to amplify once kids enter the equation. Then your time is either spent on the wife or the kids or the house but NOT the hobbies. Women like to make sure things are getting done...they get focused on this rather than enjoying life. Everything becomes a project. Men seem not to "grow up" the same way and like to have the hobbies and other distractions of interst.
I see this in numerous relationships and I struggle to keep my hobbies.
which leads me to ask the usual question: why get married? For men, there's nothing to be gained and everything to be lost.
Interesting point and one I was discussing with friends the other day. I think if you want kids it makes some sense...otherwise not at all. The funny thing is that I only started to have some trouble about this stuff after the birth of my daughter. When we were married without kids it was not really an issue because I already had HUGE speakers and amps when we started dating. I have downsized considerably since those Glory days ;-).
Big J
"... only a very few individuals understand as yet that personal salvation is a contradiction in terms."
nt
... Inflict such a douche on a poor unsuspecting cat?EDIT: Syntax
Smile
Sox
Edits: 05/03/15
You mean like this?
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public
H. L. Mencken
Where did you find him or her?
Just beautiful.
Dice into bite-sized chunks, add some nicely seasoned broth, a bit of broccolie (sp on purpose), some small red taters (what's taters, Precious?), garden fresh carrots, season to taste, simmer for a coupla hours or so and you'd have one hell of a good meal for a family of 4 or 5...
-RW-
A friend gave him to me when she moved to Nebraska..His name is Patrick and he was four months old when I got him. My daughter has our Bengal and Abyssinian with her as we got them as kittens.They moved to Fla with her so I got Patrick.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public
H. L. Mencken
Edits: 05/04/15
NT
Only if she had a liquor store and a bass boat.
If so, didn't you expect this issue beforehand?
-Rod
That living space does not belong to either of you but to both of you. If you can't find common ground and space / time for both yours and her's hobbies, I do not see you staying together, at least not happily. This assumes that music and audio system are important to you.
I can not imagine living and even less marrying a woman that does not like music and who would demand that I give up my system.
The only thing she asked me is to CONSIDER smaller speakers. Yes, my Eminent Technology LFT-VIII really dominated the living room. I changed them at this time to Sonist floor-standers that both of us like, but only because I wanted to, not because she forced me to. (Temporary due to pending move to the other state.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane."
... I don't and can't imagine I ever will.
I have lots of nice things and lots of toys but 'love' is not a word I relate to for describing inanimate possessions.
In all seriousness, I feel sorry for folks who take this question seriously.
Smile
Sox
nt
... If a guy is incapable of negotiating a simple thing like a stereo system with his life partner then he is pretty useless to start with.
Reading the comments in this thread there is little wonder why the divorce rate is so high and why so many guys moan and bitch about women.
Most things in life are not black & white. Looking at simple things like a stereo system in such terms is defeatist & banal.
Smile
Sox
I see. Thought you were commenting on the emotional attachment to objects. And yes, one should be able to negotiate simple things such as audio equipment.
On the other hand there are some women (and men) that allow no discussion and some women (and men) who need to be dominated. I saw a woman turn around and punch and scream at her husband when he stated that he would like to have a wood burning stove. There was no negotiation available. When she passed away and he married another just like her.
Longer answer....as mentioned below, if she loves him, she would try to accommodate his needs as well.
hav ing anything to do with a woman who was not a music fiend. What would be the point?
Years ago I became friends with a truly great audiophile and a wonderful person. He was married, had a couple of kids, and was a very successful professional. Busy guy.
But this gentleman was a real cutting edge audiophile, sharp as a tack, and posted some simply killer tweaks over in the Tweaks Asylum, where we met. Later on, we got together in person at a mutual audiophile's very nice home, we had a great dinner, and then as dessert was in the offing, I decided to talk audio a wee bit.
Big mistake!
My friend's wife cut me the absolute coldest, death-to-you-scum look I have ever openly received. Then she made clear, and I mean CLEAR, that audio was NOT going to be discussed at the table.
Well, me being me, I took that as a challenge. So, I ignored her roundly and continued with my inquiry, as if she hadn't said a word. I mean, who the hell is she to tell us/me what can and cannot be discussed?
My friend became somewhat visibly distraught, and suggested we excuse ourselves later for audio talk. Now that he had chimed in, I withdrew my query, apologized, and said, "No problem". So it was then back to the absolutely thrilling conversation about kids and school and some other earth-shattering topics that many women seem inexorably drawn to. I was completely enthralled......NOT!
But I bit my tongue, waiting for the dessert to end so we could go and enjoy our he-man audio talk. Yet somehow, when we men left to go share our audio lore and wisdom, the party quickly concluded and the audio part got short shrift in favor of kids needing to be tucked in, etc., etc.
On the way home, I commented on all this to my wife. who mentioned, "You know, she HATES audio. She doesn't want him involved in it at all, and she'd like it if he quit the hobby for her and the family."
I wasn't surprised in the least. She was clearly disgusted when I swung the men's talk in that direction at dessert, and then furious when I overrode her and continued with the topic over her objections.
In the years that passed after that dinner, I was strangely never invited to gatherings, and my friend's e-mails to me became more and more brief and infrequent, only letting me know in very short terms that his wife would not let him set up his system ANYWHERE, as there simply wasn't room (or so she claimed.)
When he bought a new place for his family with much more space, I was totally stoked for him, and said, "NOW, finally, you'll have the space for your system, eh?" His response was, "Well, I sure hope so. That was the idea, at least in part."
Yet, as the months passed by, somehow there still wasn't room for his system, even in the new digs, and only time for the kids, work and her, and NEVER any time for his old audio buddies.
Less than a year later I learned through a mutual friend that he had died in his study, working (as usual) on his weekend. He was found at his desk, lifeless and cold, by his son. I was speechless.......... with ANGER!
I knew exactly what he died of: a broken dream and stymied life. His passion (audio and music) was allowed to wane, falter, and ultimately flicker out. His wife had stolen his energy and directed it towards HER goals, rather than simply SHARING his life with him, and giving him the freedom to also enjoy what brought him so very much pleasure and joy. To see this great fellow's face when he talked audio was to see a man truly proud and passionate about his hobby in a way I rarely encountered in my life. And he was BRILLIANT at it, too! Really a top-tier mind achieving truly high-end results with his incredibly creative DIY builds and tweaked out system.
And now he's gone.
I've never mentioned this to our mutual friend, as his wife and the deceased's wife are still very close friends. But this is my way of venting at the loss of a great man to a selfish woman who simply couldn't share in his joy and passion about audio, so she squelched it for her own ends.
So, to answer your query: NEVER allow ANY woman to squelch your passion, EVER! If she tries, you know she's a selfish BITCH who will suck the life energy from you and leave you at best an empty shell, and at worst, in your grave prematurely.
Just my two cents.......
(And I still miss my friend, and grieve to this day.... )
Holy cow, I'm stunned at some of the stories/comments about women & wives, mostly negative (seems to me). My wife (of 42 yrs now) from the get-go, was so supportive of my hobby, which was/is hi-fi/stereo. She loves music but otoh, initially didn't get the gear part, and the obvious upgrade path that goes along. Still, she knew how much I liked it and over the years has been thrilled to see the happiness it brings me. She even loves to be part of the saving here & there to get that next piece that I long for. It simply makes her happy to see me happy. Not to be sappy, but I can't imagine being with a woman who didn't exhibit her qualities. I suppose, reading thru all the comments, that I'm a lucky s.o.b. to have her. dave w.
Our marriage is beyond rock solid. If she died, I'd very likely join her, as I cannot imagine not being with her. Every day I get up and think, "I'm the luckiest guy on Earth", at least when it comes to the luck of having a wonderful wife. She regularly does auditioning of gear with me, as I want to be sure her ears are satisfied as well as mine, as she will be listening to it just like I will be. We're a team in everything. I couldn't be more satisfied. My only worry is that I fall short on being a super husband. I try my very best, and she says she's as happy as can be, But because I love her, I always feel I can do more. But I do try my best. She's terrific!
Very, very glad to see your wife shares your interests and understands your passions. And 42 years? That's awesome. Congratulations! :-)
That's what makes me so mad about my deceased friend. His wife literally set out to get rid of the hobby that was his passion, and she succeeded. Now he's dead. Again, a real tragedy.
But let's end this on a high note: here's to wonderful wives and the lucky guys who get to share their lives with them! Glad to hear you're one of them.
Cheers!
Cheers to a great wives who are so great that allow a man to put a pair of speakers in his own house. Seems like 90% of men are much less lucky though considering overwhelming negative response here
Thanks, great to hear from someone who shares my good fortunes. Unfortunately, my bride & I are one of the few of our friends who have stayed together since "the early days", not to say we haven't weathered some storms, but we have done well together & have raised 4 lovely girls who now have wonderful families of their own. Enough of that, this is supposed to be audio related and I have digressed. One last thing, Candy has actually been the one to point out the poor choices I have made over the years when "audio nervosa" struck and I switched out gear that I should have kept. She politely and sweetly said "honey, I told you so", and she's always been right. Dang, I knew I should have listened to her. Take care Mr.Smith & been nice talking (?) to ya! dave
.
Your generalizations are total BS. I wonder about the anger that you bring home with you.
this actually caused (or even contributed) to this DEATH? this seems a pretty serious and heavy conclusion to make.
still, i'm sorry this fine man could not enjoy his pastime in his free time.
roger wang
incredible post; thanks for sharing!
...the man with the incredible posts. You've given me and countless others endless amusement with so many offerings. My thanks to you.
I'm just glad I could touch some people with this one. The loss of this gentleman was truly a tragedy.
I will say this, though: if his wife has figured out her (likely) role in this, and feels terrible about it, I honestly hope her guilt lifts and she grows into a better person for it. It would be even sadder to see tragedy compounded, especially with the kids involved. Let's hope everyone comes out a better person, as nothing is going to bring him back. One can always hope for the best.
Again, many thanks for your kind words, GL.
I'm afraid he's dug his own early grave.
.
like a woman scorn. Chicks these days aren't afraid of men's balls; in fact many live for the challenge.
Sad.
But, you are treated the way YOU ALLOW yourself to be treated.
.
Your post really resonates with me. I have experienced some of this firsthand in my own life and I have had to fight tooth and nail sometimes to maintain my own interests relative to those of the "family". Of course I know men who are totally subserivent to the wills of their wives...it seems to be a biologically hardwired female behavior (a form of nest building?) that men throughout history have struggled with. STill, I do know other relationships where the wife is very tolerant of the man's hobbies...as long as they do not cause some kind of hardship in the family. No one of course is suggesting this kind of extreme hobby behavior, which is likely more an addiction than a hobby at that point.
.
Perfectly said - my wife knew my passions when we met and they never were an issue
"Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to" Mark Twain
.
We listened to music quite a bit during our dating. Here's my bachelor pad circa '85:
My passion for music has never been an issue. When we married a year later, we finished the basement and moved the system down there. :)
.
so I didn't have any window treatments up yet and the large tapesty draped over the railing behind the couch was put on the back wall.
We had our second house built and I spec-ed a large downstairs listening room. With my current house, I'm using a large bedroom as a dedicated listening room. Guys need a cave!
If she loved me she wouldn't want me to give it up.. If she was so anti- music I wouldn't have gotten to the point in relationship where it would be an issue..
FWIW my wife thinks the audio stuff is cool.. she especially likes the way the MBL 101e look.. She also really dug the various Logan's I've had..
You need another hobby Ralf.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public
H. L. Mencken
.
No, I couldn't get away with adding that to the mix - unless I stuck in the back of the room with the stats. :)
My oldest brother was a HAM as well, but had a much simpler setup. He did, however, have a huge tower antenna located in the middle of Unversity Park in Dallas. His neighbor asked him why he had such a big one. His reply? He had a big screen TV! He got some of his gear from a retired CBS guy that was borderline illegal in terms of power. Sometimes, his sprinkler heads would pop when he broadcasted.
Love the prop, too. Hartzell?
Yes
That's the old 669g prop.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public
H. L. Mencken
This is exactly the problem with most couples - they don't discuss this shi(stuff) before they get married.
The woman doesn't have to be into audio but she does have to be accepting of your hobby just like if she was into Photography and I wasn't - I know buying cameras/lenses/print materials will be costly - so be it. Her hobby I can live with that.
Same goes for "in the bedroom" - tell the girl about the weird kinky stuff you may or may not be into BEFORE you get married - less chance of one partner seeking it out on the side.
I can;t believe how many guys are on forums discussing how they have to sneak stuff home, lie about the price, or are forced to sell their 7 foot high 4 foot wide loudspeakers for a Totem Model One. The conversation should go.
"Hey by the way if we ever get married I want you to know some things. First I love music and it so happens that my hobby is buying very good equipment to play it. This equipment is usually large and takes up a lot of space in the living room (I will compromise by putting it in the basement but I can't compromise on the size). Further I tend to spend an average of $10,000 a year on my stereo(and this will increase with inflation) and that too is something I intend to keep doing."
Why is this so hard?
Sheldon Cooper (Big Bang Theory) and his "relationship contract" is not such a terrible idea after all.
.
It is hard because even when they agree and claim to know they later rewrite the rules or assume you will change the way they want you to change. When you don't bend later to their will then comes the pressure, the guilt trips, the fights etc.
BTW, heard the LM219 the other day on a full LM WE replica horn system (complete with field coil drivers). Awesome sound!
.
reelsmith's axiom: Its going to be used equipment when I sell it, so it may as well be used equipment when I buy it.
of an old saying.
Women marry an imperfect man hoping he will change -
Men marry a perfect woman hoping she'll never change -
"Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to" Mark Twain
but which sex blushes more when wrong?
heh.
roger wang
Very touching story. I know it must have also been very frustrating for you to watch your buddy"s life blood being sucked from him and you could do nothing to stop it. His wife is unquestionably a selfish self-centered narcissist but he chose to remain powerless rather than standup and draw a line in the sand with this jerky woman. He chose confrontation avoidance at all cost which likely contributed to his early demise.
.
Women tend to over complicate the mundane things in life to the point where these things consume every minute of every day. Men usually try to minimize time spent on mundane things so they can move on to something they're interested in. There are a lot of arrogant, self-righteous women out there who think they're better than their husbands because he'll spend time doing things he likes and all she concerns herself with is work and family. A large chunk of the work/family stuff she spends time on is unnecessary and of no interest to anyone in the family but her.
It's a funny thing to hear women complain about controlling men. Controlling women are at least a million times more common than controlling men.
Imagine how boring the internet would be if folks were as civil here as they are in person.
.
First of all, you need to understand that once you start living with a woman (particularly if you are married to her) the rules of usage of certain possessive pronouns are altered. For the most part you can forget about "my" or "mine" and you also need to realize that "our" and "ours" should be replaced with the more grammatically correct expressions of "her" and "hers".
Having managed that concept, then it is easy to understand that your stereo system and your living space are mere illusions of a previous life.
FWIW, I gave up listening to my system for almost 15 years. I could have continued listening at levels below 50 db but the effort wasn't worth it. Fortunately I was eventually able to get a dedicated and isolated listening space. Was it worth it? Absolutely -- the world's best stereo system pales in comparison to a good and loving woman.
Love goes both ways. If one is passionate about a hobby and is reasonable about time and money devoted to it, the other should at least be tolerant, if not encouraging. I have a separate room for my audio indulgences and the HT is purposely designed to be as unobtrusive as possible, while still delivering good sound. On the other hand, my wife's hobby is gardening and decorating. I give her carte blanche and provide an opinion when/where appropriate. I am always supportive because it is something she clearly enjoys.
In the case cited above, I would say that there were hidden issues, or the husband may have stayed married because of the kids and the likely cost of divorce. That said, in many cases conflicts like these become apparent before walking down the aisle. Some see the signs and move on, others chose to remain blind and endure the consequences.
..
My question is, why did you marry her in the first place?
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reelsmith's axiom: Its going to be used equipment when I sell it, so it may as well be used equipment when I buy it.
You have a photo of this living-stereo room?
No compromise is possible?
Thanks for the thought. There's not a whole lot to photograph, basically a big rectangle. The challenge is to turn one space (12'x30') into a living room, dining room and study (i.e. computer desk). As is, everything fits, but it feels like what it is--a bunch of randomly assembled pieces of furniture stuck wherever they seemed to fit best. We'd both like to make it feel more organic and homey. She has never even obliquely mentioned getting rid of the stereo, but objectively speaking, it does limit the layout options. An extra room to dedicate to music would, of course, solve everything, but all the other rooms are bedrooms.
Anyway, for the time being, my question is hypothetical.
....I'd kick her out.
Regards,
Mike.
Excellent, like Steve Martin did to Kathleen Turner in "Man with two Brains"?
E
T
Or like Steve Martin at the link.
Happy listening,
Jim
"The passage of my life is measured out in shirts."
- Brian Eno
nt
Tom
I don't get it. Are you saying that headphones spread venereal disease?
nt
Happy listening,
Jim
"The passage of my life is measured out in shirts."
- Brian Eno
As with all things, one must look at something's potential as well as its actual. IOW, I'd have to consider if her insistence to have things her way was in check or just getting getting warmed up.
If by living space you meant the entire dwelling or just one or more of the main or common rooms. No problem here because I'd want a dedicated space all to my own anyway and for which I would design.
But most important, I'd have to consider whether or not she has talents in design (and elsewhere) in the first place.
The fact that she completely overlooked the significance of a real world living situation (my hobby), leads me to believe her designs talents and/or thoroughness, though perhaps interesting, are lacking when it comes to real world application. In which case I'd have no choice but throw her out into the street because shortsighted designers are a dime a dozen. Unless of course her other talents more than made up for her short-sighted design talents. In which case, goodbye system. :)
It depends. Does she love me back?
-Bob
As far as you know. :)
Actually, I know that she does not, so I guess my official answer would be "no." :-)
-Bob
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