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204.144.130.66
In Reply to: Re: Come back with me to April 28, 2002 posted by racerguy on June 29, 2005 at 12:36:05:
"SACD is not dead yet."Reminds me of "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"
The Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead.
[a man puts a body on the cart]
Large Man with Dead Body: Here's one.
The Dead Collector: That'll be ninepence.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
The Dead Collector: What?
Large Man with Dead Body: Nothing. There's your ninepence.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
The Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.
Large Man with Dead Body: Yes he is.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not.
The Dead Collector: He isn't.
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm getting better.
Large Man with Dead Body: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.
The Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I don't want to go on the cart.
Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, don't be such a baby.
The Dead Collector: I can't take him.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel fine.
Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, do me a favor.
The Dead Collector: I can't.
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
The Dead Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, when's your next round?
The Dead Collector: Thursday.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I think I'll go for a walk.
Large Man with Dead Body: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel happy. I feel happy.
[the Dead Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Body with his a whack of his club]
Large Man with Dead Body: Ah, thank you very much.
The Dead Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
Large Man with Dead Body: Right.
Follow Ups:
DEAD PARROTA customer enters a pet shop carrying a dead parrot in a cage. He walks to counter where shopkeeper tries to hide below cash register.
PRALINE: Hello, I wish to register a complaint… Hello, Miss?
SHOPKEEPER: What do you mean "miss"?
PRALINE: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
SHOPKEEPER: We're closing for lunch.
PRALINE: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
SHOPKEEPER: Oh yes, the Norwegian Blue. What's wrong with it?PRALINE: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It’s dead, that's what's wrong with it.
SHOPKEEPER: No, no, it's resting, look.
PRALINE: Look, my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
SHOPKEEPER: No no it's not dead, it's resting.PRALINE: Resting?
SHOPKEEPER: Yeah, remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, beautiful plumage, innit?
PRALINE: The plumage don't enter into it - it's stone dead.
SHOPKEEPER: No, no! He's resting!
PRALINE: All right then, if it's resting, I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) Hello Polly! I've got a nice cuttle fish for you if you wake up Polly Parrot!SHOPKEEPER: (jogging cage) There, it moved!
PRALINE: No, he didn't, that was you pushing the cage!
SHOPKEEPER: I did not.
PRALINE: Yes, you did! (takes parrot out of the cage, shouts) Hello Polly, Polly (bangs it against counter) Polly Parrot wake up. Polly (throws it up in the air and lets it fall to the floor.) Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
SHOPKEEPER: No, no.....No, it's stunned!
PRALINE: Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.
SHOPKEEPER: It’s probably pining for the fjords.
PRALINE: Pining for the fjords, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on his back the moment I got it home?
SHOPKEEPER: The Norwegian Blue prefers kipping on its back! Remarkable bird, lovely plumage!
PRALINE: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.
SHOPKEEPER: Well, of course it was nailed there! Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars, and voom!
PRALINE: Look matey (picks up parrot) this bird wouldn't voom if you put four thousand volts through it! He's bleeding demised!
SHOPKEEPER: It’s not, it’s pining!
PRALINE: It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch it would be pushing up the daisies. It’s run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible!! This is an ex-parrot.
SHOPKEEPER: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
PRALINE: (to camera) If you want to get anything done in this country you’ve got to complain till you’re blue in the mouth.
SHOPKEEPER: Sorry guv, we're right out of parrots.
PRALINE: I see. I see, I get the picture.
SHOPKEEPER: I’ve got a slug.
PRALINE: Does it talk?
SHOPKEEPER: Not really, no.
PRALINE: Well it's scarcely a replacement, then is it?
SHOPKEEPER: Listen, I’ll tell you what, (handing over card) tell you what, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll replace your parrot for you.
PRALINE: Bolton, eh?SHOPKEEPER: Yeah.
PRALINE: All right.
He customer leaves taking the parrot with him.
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