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20 things never to say to a classical musician

69.125.117.66
Posted on September 20, 2016 at 13:12:08
rbolaw
 I only play for pay occasionally, but when I do, I'm often reminded why I never quit my day job.
I'm sure these will bring back some fond memories for a few of you.;-)

 

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And/or:, posted on September 20, 2016 at 14:35:35
oldmkvi
Audiophile

Posts: 10583
Joined: April 12, 2002
 I like a lot of what it is I think you may be trying to do.
Can you play "Far, Far Away, the Further the Better?"
Do you know "The Sound of Silence?"
You're not going to play That Loud during the Concert, are you?
Don't Call Us.
No, Really, don't call us.

 

"18. That's so cool. Iiiiiii used to play the piano", posted on September 20, 2016 at 16:45:22
Chris from Lafayette
Audiophile

Posts: 26480
Location: SF Bay Area
Joined: February 17, 2004
Contributor
  Since: February 6, 2012
 Yeah - if I had a nickel for every time I've heard that one - especially at retirement homes! ;-)

But every once in a while, you'll run into someone who seems to have been genuinely accomplished in music. There's a retirement home over in Marin County where a few NY Philharmonic players retired to. I was accompanying a couple of high-school violinists who played there a few years ago and, on the ride over, one of the parents warned all of us that, in this place, "they're difficult to please!". ;-)

 

Classic, thanks. Glad it was "play for pay," and not "pay for play." Maybe that can be #21. : ) nt, posted on September 21, 2016 at 07:05:42
jdaniel@jps.net
 .

 

The violin channel won't let me in..., posted on September 21, 2016 at 07:59:30
musetap
Audiophile

Posts: 31879
Location: San Francisco
Joined: July 8, 2003
Contributor
  Since: January 28, 2004
 What'd I say?

"Once this was all Black Plasma and Imagination"-Michael McClure



 

My all-time favourite...., posted on September 21, 2016 at 08:20:08
andy evans
Audiophile

Posts: 4382
Joined: October 20, 2000
 Dear Mr. Bandleader,

We look forward to your performance at our daughter's wedding. If you don't mind, we would like to request a few of our favorite songs. If you could play these at some point during the reception, we'd be grateful. Any Keith Jarrett composition from his solo series. Please have it for the full ensemble and none of the 4/4 songs please. The Mahavishnu Orchestra,"Dance of the Maya," and please have the guitarist play John McLaughlin's solo from the live performance Nov. 16, 1972, at Chrysler Arena. My wife and I were at that show and we particularly liked it. If you find it too difficult, you can leave out the feedback. Any of John Coltrane's duets with Pharaoh Sanders. I understand that their use of atonality is not everyone's cup of tea, but all our guests love high register tenor saxes.

We thought a little Stravinsky right after the toast would be nice. We particularly like the "Infernal Dance..." or whatever it is called, from The Rite of Spring"(second version of 1932). If you want to use the sheet music it's OK. We like a tempo of about quarter note 3D 93 (Ozawa). Then for the "life candle" lighting ceremony, please play Frank Zappa's "The Grand Wazoo." If you want to play it in the original key of Bb, that would be fine, but my cousin Janeene would like to sing the baritone sax solo. You may have to play that part in another key -- she has kind of a high voice.

When my daughter throws the garter, could you play just a little of Varese's "Ionization"? It's such a cool piece, we think it would go over really well. Much better than "The Stripper." And for the Bride & Groom's first dance, please slow things down a bit by doing Barber's "Adagio For Strings." It's so much better than "We've Only Just Begun" or "The Anniversary Waltz." When my wife and I join in the first dance, could you please segue to Thelonius Monk's "Ruby, My Dear." That's in honor of my wife's grandmother whose name was Ruby. It would mean so much to the family.

Thanks very much for all your help. We'll certainly be happy to recommend your band to all of our friends. By the way, the gig pays £150 for the group, and before you leave, please feel free to ask the caterer for a sandwich and a soda to take with you.

Sincerely,
The Bride's parents

 

RE: The violin channel won't let me in..., posted on September 21, 2016 at 08:24:14
rbolaw
 No matter. If anyone has ever told you their favorite opera is Phantom of the Opera, you'll get the idea. ;-)

 

VERY funny, at least..., posted on September 21, 2016 at 08:44:54
Larry I
Audiophile

Posts: 2229
Location: No. Va.
Joined: June 28, 2000
 they did not request a medley of Kaikhosru Sorabji tunes. I thought the request for "Ionization" was particularly funny.

 

P.S., posted on September 21, 2016 at 10:37:13
musetap
Audiophile

Posts: 31879
Location: San Francisco
Joined: July 8, 2003
Contributor
  Since: January 28, 2004
 Please see that the band members attire is in the style of ABBA* (please see example) to compliment the spirt of the occasion.

Kindly, NO cyan gradations as that may detract from the wedding parties' teal highlights.

Natural fabrics only due to Janeene's allergies.



* If your guitar player would throw in some Janne Schaffer licks on occasion that would be delightful!


"Once this was all Black Plasma and Imagination"-Michael McClure




 

GREAT!, posted on September 21, 2016 at 17:31:22
Ivan303
Audiophile

Posts: 48887
Location: Cadiere d'azur FRANCE - Santa Fe, NM
Joined: February 26, 2001
 Even my wife thought it was funny and she doesn't have much of s sense of humor.




First they came for the dumb-asses
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a dumb-ass

 

RE: 20 things never to say to a classical musician, posted on September 21, 2016 at 17:38:28
Pat D
Audiophile

Posts: 12506
Location: Fredericton NB
Joined: June 20, 2000
 LOL.

Some friends wanted to hear something on my system. I asked what they would like to hear, and their idea of real classical music was Bolero--so I dutifully got out the old Ansermet recording. Does that beat the Phantom?
-----
"A fool and his money are soon parted." --- Thomas Tusser

 

RE: 20 things never to say to a classical musician, posted on September 21, 2016 at 19:06:28
rbolaw
 After "10" it was Bolero, after Apocalypse Now it was Ride of the Valkyries, and after Amadeus it was the Mozart Requiem. My friends went to the nearest convenient classical music guru (me) for a recommendation.

IMO, if Bolero had been written as part of a full-length ballet, it wouldn't be so bad. Alas, Ravel wrote it as a stand-alone piece, and to his and everyone else's irritation ever after we are stuck with it as his signature work. But something similar has happened to a few other good composers (Elgar, Dukas), and many more middling ones. Bad luck.

OTOH, there is no excuse for Phantom.

 

RE: 20 things never to say to a classical musician, posted on September 21, 2016 at 22:57:33
Todd Krieger
Audiophile

Posts: 37333
Location: SW United States
Joined: November 2, 2000
 "I tried tuning your violin but the pegs came loose".....

"Can you play some Zeppelin?"

"That piece of wood costs how much?"

"I have a recording of that played on kazoos!"

"Movement? Did I hear that right?"

 

RE: 20 things never to say to a classical musician, posted on September 22, 2016 at 00:33:52
fstein
Audiophile

Posts: 2996
Location: fstein
Joined: May 18, 2006
 Can you play 4'33" by John cage?

 

Don't you LIKE Rock-n-Roll, posted on September 23, 2016 at 09:55:40
jedrider
Audiophile

Posts: 15167
Location: No. California
Joined: December 26, 2003
 Actually asked by an eight-year old to a baritone opera singer.

His response was 'I love rock-n-roll. But I know think I have the right voice for it!'

 

An oldie but a goodie! , posted on September 23, 2016 at 15:58:19
D Harvey
Manufacturer

Posts: 5563
Location: SE Michigan
Joined: May 30, 2001
 If you want to use the sheet music, it's ok..classic.
dh

 

You play jazz? , posted on September 23, 2016 at 16:01:34
D Harvey
Manufacturer

Posts: 5563
Location: SE Michigan
Joined: May 30, 2001
 Wow, I just LOVE Kenny G...
dh

 

Ah, the backhanded put downs..., posted on September 23, 2016 at 16:09:31
D Harvey
Manufacturer

Posts: 5563
Location: SE Michigan
Joined: May 30, 2001
 Your solo sounds good on THOSE changes.

Every time I hear you sounds better than the next.

He sings weekly. ..very weakly.

Yeah I know that sax player. ..what a great plumber that guy is.

I know I'm forgetting some. ..some new ones on me on your list there!

dh

 

RE: 20 things never to say to a classical musician, posted on September 24, 2016 at 14:40:28
desertorganist
Audiophile

Posts: 246
Location: Southwestern U.S.
Joined: May 31, 2007
 Don't forget; after "2001: A Space Odyssey" the sunrise from "Also sprach Zarathustra" became Richard Strauss' greatest hit. Never mind what Strauss did with that opening bit....

 

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