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In Reply to: RE: Specious generalisations …. posted by three_sox on March 01, 2015 at 23:24:47
.. In contrast I have seen plenty of people get a divorce without a lawyer.
Numbers?
Agreed this is the way I would hope it would be done - but there are a lot of divorce lawyers making some bucks - so someone is using them no? I think many are pushed to arbitrators but to get to that step - somewhere along the chain a lawyer probably made some money.
..In contrast I have seen plenty people divorce amicably with little inputs from lawyers.
Numbers?
I haven't. I know many couples who divorced - most of them got lawyers. I am agreeing with you in what is best here and what is best is to avoid lawyers like the plague whenever humanly possible.
...I have no idea how you make up the 20~25% "happy marriages at best" figure?
See statistics on marriage and divorce rates. Are you saying that ALL marriages on earth are 100% about being in love and happy? There are major reasons people are married that have zilch to do with love and happiness - arranged marriages make up a good percentage of world wide marriages - westerners make up a low percentage of worldwide population.
People get married for all sorts of reasons - family/religious pressure, money, societal pressure, cultural pressure, clock-ticking pressure, mid-life crisis pressure, because they were both hammered in Las Vegas, because "hey we're both 50 and not married - let's do it for tax savings." Indeed, some of these may wind up being better.
...It is more accurate to say 100% of marriages are happy at one point in time.
It is also accurate to say that most of those were unhappy at one point in time as well - no happy couple has ever fought or gone through tough times?
How about arranged marriages where 13 year olds are forced to marry a 50 year old - is this a 100% happy marriage? Really? I suppose oif the girl's vote isn't counted (and indeed in most religions it's not counted).
What about people who marry for money? Ever heard of gold-diggers? Women from Russia or elsewhere who marry Americans on the internet are in it strictly for love and happiness? Well maybe happiness of finding a lonely sucker they can use as a green card and give them a life of luxury and the guy might be happy he's got a pretty blond on his arm - but that's kind of a superficial "happiness" and not really the intention of marriage in most people's view. I ain't seeing no 100% are happy scenario.
But yeah (mainstream marriages) at one time they might have been happy and in love at some point. People often (not always) change however.
...Also many folks are married more than once and are still happily married presently...
Yes some even marry the same person twice. A second marriage indicates the first didn't work however.
...Statistically I think most people die married, not unmarried...
Unless they died at the same time I think statistically they didn't die married - most may die widowed mind you which is what I think you mean here. That I'd give you but then I haven't seen the numbers.
What you prefer is hardly relevant, is it?
Well it is to me.
I know a lot of divorced guys who wish they came to the conclusion earlier - they'd all have a few hundred grand or millions more in the bank.
My advice is "be sure" and if the tiniest sliver of doubt exists it's probably the reason part of the brain telling you something. I know plenty of married couples who seem happy as well. My own parents were married 35 years and would still be if my dad hadn't smoked so damn much. So yeah I didn't want to come off totally down on marriage - but I see too many people get married because "it's the thing expected of them" by various influences.
Follow Ups:
Yes, you can legally get a divorce without a lawyer, but most people have no clue to the long-term implications of the agreements they reach, e.g., tax liabilities. They may not realize what they are entitled to keep according to applicable federal and state laws. So I would not recommend that most people get a divorce without each party at least getting a consultation from an attorney.
Oh, and those "nasty" divorce lawyers run up the bills and create lasting enmity where none need exist. Consider divorce mediation--it's calmer and saves everyone a lot of money.
Yes you are correct. It helps if it is an amicable divorce but when it's not - the lawyer up idea is kind of a must.
... I hope the guy getting divorced gets to keep his audio gear, I see no reason why he wont.
I am happily married and you're not.
Cheers.
Smile
Sox
It doesn't even occur to you that you might be the exception rather than the rule, does it?
What is the divorce rate in OZ? In Europe and the US it is generally > 50%. That is pretty telling in and of itself; however, RGA also makes a fairly valid point that as many as half of the others are staying together for other reasons and not because they have a happy marriage.
You should consider yourself lucky if you have a happy one...good for you!
Now, as to why he might lose his gear...revenge is often a motivation in divorce proceedings. If the marriage is ending badly then the wife, who generally has the advantage at least in US courts, might take the stuff just to make the guy feel bad. Maybe it is hard for you to understand how people can turn nasty to each other but they surely can and do quite often.
It would be a pity for him...but we don't know WHY they are getting divorced.
...Divorce rates around the world range from about 70% in Belgium to about 3% in Chile and every other figure in between the two for other countries.
So you can paint with broad brush, you usually do.
We can speculate about what may or may not happen with inmate, navman. In time I suspect we will hear if he gets to keep his audio gear or otherwise. I wish him well.
Till then none of us knows what will happen.
Oh, he will only lose his audio gear if he and his wife can't agree on a monetary value of the gear. Unless of course she also lays claim to said gear. A bit of audio gear is hardly going to be a major issue in a divorce, or I should say, it shouldn't be. If it is, so be it.
Time will tell.
Cheers.
Smile
Sox
And you seem not to be able to read very well. I said Europe and the US...not Chile or any other part of South America or Africa or Asia.
"A bit of audio gear is hardly going to be a major issue in a divorce, or I should say, it shouldn't be. If it is, so be it.
"
Depends on the value of said gear as to whether it is a "little bit" or a "Lotta bit". He seems concerned so it seems very possible that that she might want to take it for whatever reason.
... You are painting with a broad brush ol 'son.
The divorce rate in Europe ranges from 11% to 70%. So what point are you trying to make? Rhetorical ol 'son, rhetorical.
I will leave you and your ilk to stress over audio gear in a divorce. Gosh, what an after dinner, mind-numbing tête-à-tête that will be.
Instead of preening around speculating about what might or might not happen, how about we all wait to see what actually does happen when navman's divorce is finalized. Gosh, I can hardly wait!
Till then, I won't give it a second thought, will you?
Cheers.
Smile
Sox
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