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They're delivering a new turntable and I haven't gotten around to breaking the news to my wife. I figured I'd come up with something by now, but I'm drawing blanks. Sure I could tell her I bought the damn thing and that's all there is to it, but this is audio stuff, and there's a code of honor that prohibits us from telling the truth about those type of purchases. As audiophiles, we're duty bound to lie like hell, even when we don't even need to.So far, the best I can manage, and it's pretty weak, is.... "Honey, I swear, it's a thank you gift from someone at the Asylum I gave cable advice to."
Please, the time of reckoning is drawing near, and I *know* you guys are full of enough BS to help me with this one.
Forever in your debt,
John
You think you have a problem. For every dollar I spend on audio gear, my wife gets to spend a dollar on--antique dolls!
For every dollar I spend on audio gear, my wife gets to spend a dollar on--antique dolls! > > >I take it that she's still waiting to have enough money to buy her first one then.
And I was wondering what a dollar a watt equates to in doll years.
Tell her it's a replacement part for the lawnmower
Tell her you registered on a site... and won a contest.Tell her some newbie on ebay didn't realize what he had and sold it to you for $25.00 with no reserve
Tell her it's for her....
Tell her it is your Christmas gift for the next 10 years... that's what I always do... at this point I have all of my Christmas gifts til the year 3400
Tell her it's a misdirected delivery
When she asks about it.... look at her with a straight face and say "what new table?"
And if all else fails... CRY.. real tears.... REAL tears!!!! and tell her you must have it... THAT one worked for me twice :)
I've used the "what new table?" angle with great success. More specifically the answer is "Gosh dear it's the same compoment - I just had the faceplate changed."Didn't think that one would work with a turntable.
Anyway - I really like some of your other suggestions. Definitely worth a shot.
Unthinkable! To lie? Don't you work...hard, man!? You deserve your table and whatever else, you need!!! Long as all the other stuff is taken care of, please! Be a man and tell her the truth! Enjoy your table!!!! Get on with your life!
I don't lie to my lady. This is the deal. Honey, I will drive a used car, buy my clothes at Marshals or whatever it takes, just dont screw it my HIFI!!!! If I save money elsewhere leave me the hell alone. Besides are you happy with that new car of yours? Well, I am happy with my 6 year Cherokee and My HIFI.
Tell her you obtained this great super advanced microwave carousel as a special deal not available to the general public. It's supposedly designed to make food cook more evenly and it even comes with it's own viscous damped diamond tipped heat probe.Naturally she won't be able to make this thing fit inside her microwave due to it's dimensions. In fact it's so poorly engineered that it has to have a friggin' power cord attached which won't allow the microwave door to close properly! Of course you'll shrug and tell her that the manufacturer won't accept it back since it's a test market item; I guess you'll just have to keep the gawl-derned thing. ;o)
Bon appetite`
AuPh
I sure came to the right place for help. I ended up using bits and pieces of every one of your lies, (except the one that said to say I'd won a Diana Krall look alike contest) and by the time I finished, her lawyer was ringing our doorbell. He's allowing me to pack a few things before I leave, socks, shorts, jammies, toothbrush and stuff like that, but the damn bloodsucker says that half of my new turntable is hers. I took the platter, I'd love to see the expression on her face when she tries to set it up without that!Laughing last, but thinking I should have used the Diana Krall lie,
John
:-)
Regards,
Jorge
We at the Asylum need a standard operating proceedure, a manual that will help us deal with our mates from the "outside". Various suggestions should be organized and numbered and be able to copy for easy reference. From this late and failed attempt we've gotten, (1)Intern Audio Equipment Reviewer, (2) Experimental micro-wave oven turntable home trial,(3) I was thinking: "Honey, I just got tearfully nostalgic over all those romantic old tunes we played together on our Victrola, and I just wanted to relive those moments again on a new LP player". (4) When all else fails, make sure you know how to position the couch you'll be sleeping on for maximum listener enjoyability.
Finally you're able to spin that Furtwangler Beethoven 9. It's about time. Congrats with your purchase and just tell your wife it was a special offer you would have regretted your life when not buying it. Study the eyes of your dog when he wants food, that gaze always works.'How much is that doggy in the window?'
Rob
(nt)
nt
(nt)
For God's sake man, stand your ground.Chris
The Gyrodec box is HUGE. Easily big enough to fit a small TV in. So, go to the Goodwill store and buy a cheap. operaling TV, take out the Gyro parts and hide 'em. Put TV in box. Tell wife you have bought a cheap reconditoned TV for the bedroom/spare-room/any room where you don't have one. When wifey is away, replace old deck with Gyrodec, Put TV in bedroom, lose the old deck, then pray she never enters your listening room and notices the dofference, for at least a month.Alternatively, tell her you bought her a motorised potting wheel for her late/early birthday present.
-Joe.
When this happens at my house I usually have to compensate her with and equal value jewlery item.
You will probably go ahean and use the thing, but the guys at (work, forum, where ever) tipped you off that they are quiting making these things and that the value is expected to go up an average of 12% per annuum for the forseeable future (or until you upgrade!!). Yeah, that's why you bought it.
I'll call you up when you're not home but your wife is at home. When she answers the phone I'll tell her I'm a friend of yours and ask her if you received "my turntable". Then I'll explain to her my company is transfering me to Rome for a couple of years and that I don't want to take the turntable with me because it's not 220 volts and I'm afraid I'll fry it. I will then tell her what a great guy you are for doing me such a BIG FAVOR by agreeing to look after "my turntable" until I return from Italy.YES!! Spree hits 3 and Knicks are up!!
PS: I can't call until after the game.
Or, you could just tell the truth.
My wife Judy has always been very cool about
my Stereo and my Guns.
I have two sure-fire plans. Take your pick1. It's a demo unit that you have on a 10 year in home trial.
2. You won it in a Diana Krall look-a-like contest.
She probably won't buy the first one. But the second one has a shot!
I know for a fact that she doesn't chew her bon-bons. Sleeping pills, John. Sleeping pills.Tom §.
Tom §.
I've used the old "It's a collectors item and I can always get my money back if I decide to sell it" more than a few times with some degree of success. After my last purchase I got the "guilties" and told her I'd buy her a new sofa. SOB if she didn't pick out a leather job to the tune of $3500. I guess it all comes out in the wash sometimes. Guess where my butt's gonna be planted.
Fess up, it's good for the soul!
Good listening and good luck. Hehehe.
Charlie
gotta go...my wife is calling
SHE is!!!
.
You learn that your wife knows about every single lie you have ever told...but here is one that always works when I buy new gear:"Darling, I don't know what it is, I ordered you a diamond necklace and this arrived...if I give you the number will you call and tell them they made a mistake, I have to go to the bathroom!"
My wife despises making telephone calls, so it works every time...she just walks away muttering under her breath!
Tell her the truth!George
P.S.
On second thought - don't. Have Rod call in advance and then mention to the wife: "Oh, that was Rod. He's asking if I've received the turntable."And so on and so forth...
John,
For me, the wife has kept me in check (with axe-n-saw, LOL). In addition to music, I have developed a few "large" hobbies over the years and have seen these hobbies change at my wife's insistence. Anyways, during these years, I have come to the realization of the following equation. This may/may not be the same for others with a "significant other."Wife Factor = (Volume + $) - Shared Sentiment
Where the wife factor is the prime mover ("out the door"), and volume is simply that ("the bigger they are the harder they fall"), and $ is obvious (try justifying the 4 corners in a room being perfect for the price of 2 pair "Grande Utopias"), and finally sentiment (if its in her interest it just might "outweigh" and survive a painful demise). Any thoughts or additional variables from others?
John just explain to your wife (over a fine meal, food always lessens the defenses) the wonderful sentimental value of your new find. If that does not work, I will gladly allow your turntable to take refuge in my abode (would receive the white glove treatment here). ;-)))
Regards ;-)
Manuel Noriega backed out of the deal and you bought it for a song.
My wife's sister told her that I was probably having "Middle Age Crisis", and told her that she should be thankful that I'm upgrading audio equipment instead of running around with young women.Now, whenever a box comes from UPS, my wife just says "Oh well, at least you aren't running around with other women".....
Posted by Chip on June 02, 2000 at 15:56:55:
> > Now, whenever a box comes from UPS, my wife just says "Oh well, at least you aren't running around with other women"..... < <EXACTLY the one that works best around here, though here it reads fully " at least he's not in the bars anymore or chasing skirts".
Some say a lot of audio gear is bland and boring looking, but these are situations where one black box looking like another black box also comes in handy.
Though that bigass Levinson amp was easily noticed when it replaced the smallish Belles 150A a good while back. I took a licking and came back ticking after that one. Refer to paragraph one.
See Ya. Dave
So, I guess it would be bad to exclaim in front of your wife: "Oh great, the turntable my girlfriend bought me arrived!" :-)--
CH Chang
Say, Oh, its my replacement. Then do not elaborate just keep repeating how it is replacing your other one. How much did it cost? Oh no it is just a replacement.In most cases you can show that you spend as much on your wife as your audio as long as you identify your wife as the cost-causer of all other household spending. The if it weren't for you I would live in a single room, eat noodles and do nothing but (play computer/watch football games/listen to music) theory. Which for many guys, at least for me, is true.
Must come from a lot of experience :-)Suzy
:-)
Regards,
Jorge
It stems from sex. A guy HAS to lie to get sex. Without lies, there would be no sex, unless you pay for it. A guy lies to get sex, lies during and after sex, then later, he lies about the sex. And since, sex is pretty much what dominates men's minds, we do a hell of a lot of lying...Weren't we talking about turntables? Damn, this got off track!
All John E has to do is promise his wife he won't ask for sex for at least a year and maybe she will let him keep the turntable :-)
Me being a young-ish character (relative to the board), I think it's pretty depressing that all I get to look forward to 20 years from now is lying for sex. . . and my audio system :)
Just an idea if anyone's curious. I just bought tubes that were made 13 years before I was born. How 'bout them apples?
My wife and I are NEW to this hobby. And enjoy it together. I have no reason to LIE to my wife about gear I purchase. I tell her what I would like to purchase, and if we have the money, it gets purchased, if not, we budget for it. I find it MUCH easier NOT telling my wife lies.
Oh, and by the way, sex DOES come easier, and more frequent when you are truthfull :-P
> > > I have no reason to LIE to my wife about gear < < <Maybe not yet but wait till you want the new Gargantua 4100 amp and she says she can't hear anything wrong with the Gargantua 3200 you just bought last year.
> > > Oh, and by the way, sex DOES come easier, and more frequent when you are truthfull < < < <
Maybe not yet but......oh never mind
Steve
Together for 17 years. Always tell the truth. Have sex like rabbits. Love each other more each day. Buy audio equipment and jewelry. We each like both. Love is bliss. Love is truth. Our relationship is an eternal partnership. We're not even married.
Just a small reminder to everybody in this thread - This hobby of ours is just a hobby. The song birds at our feeders every morning when the sun comes up sound better than any audio system I have ever heard.Peace and love in the Ozarks,
Bob Samuelson
but great sex after 17 years??? Must be because you are not
married!Mike
Maybe you're on to something there. Hey, I think we'll get married and find out. NOT!!!!
...for sex, also a place to sleep. But then if his couch is placed correctly in front of his new turntable, hey, don't worry, things will work out fine for John.
nt
The truth, although hard at first, will always bring freedom in the end. If you break that bond of trust, you have nothing left, like Judas, you will then want to smash the turntable and hang yourself from a mpingo tree, Greg
Tell her after talking with the accountant that you need a tax shelter and he was creating an audio company so you could now write your audio gear off. You know if this works you can upgrade. enjoy
How about you get 12 months from the dealer to check it out, and if you like it you'll keep it and if not you'll return it. Then tell her it's your plan to return it after listening to it a bit. Then when the day of reckoning comes along 12 months later, hope she forgets.
This is something I've been grappling with: is it fair for your wife to demand that you spend as much on her as you spend on audio equipment? [That could get really expensive.] What sort of arguments can I use to quell such demands?
nt
Tell her the music is for her to enjoy as well as for you! And, unlike dinner, clothes, vacation, lingerie, hi-fi equipment is a gift that keeps on giving :) AND, in the event you need cash fast, the residual value is at least 50% for good gear.
.
Tell her you have been asked to
become a reviewer and you selected
this piece to try for your debut.Then, in a month or so, tell her
mag went under.
æ
I was looking at the archive and if I remember correctly, you were
going to use the Soliloquy SM2A3 a while ago. If so, did you find
anything special? Thanks.
Can't say, yet.
Messing with room treatments still.
No point in trying other gear til
I get that sorted out.
æ
what do you use them with? thanx
I will use the Sols
with the Wright 3.5
when the room is ready.
æ
!
Mag went under. Maybe it was a review for Audio , and UPS just took to darn long....That is a good one Stephaen !!!!
RBP
No problem John, just don't let her see the box man.Remove the old table now and spread it out all over the kitchen table. You'll need to take it apart a little.
When the next one comes, hid the old one and put the new one in parts on the kitchen table. If she asks, tell her that you're doing the 5,000 mile tuneup. She'll see the other one missing and figure that this one is that one.
My wife never can tell one component from another so as long as she doesn't see 2 at one time, you're home free.
Now I know.....
\
I have 19 receivers in my spare workshop. Ebay trades...etc...She sees them and wonders where on earth did I get all those receivers......Damn...I wish she had not gone in there....Needed to hide the other 18 of them.
ICYW..( In case you wonder..) I have this wild idea of hooking up 24 speakers and 12 receivers to 24 different sounds....Always wanted to do that for some reason.....Each speaker gets it's own instrument.....
RBP
.
John, when you get it and she says,"how much did THAT cost", just say "nothin' yet hun, don't know if I'm keeping it. Let's go see how it sounds". Then she gets to be *involed* and all.Good luck man-
Start drinkin now-Marshall
John, you could say you won the turtable in a bet with your old pal Phil Seig who told you that if indeed SACD playback was superior to his LP setup that he would stop posting at the Asylum and send you his turntable. could be worth a shot?
Don't tell her what it is. If the money came from YOUR account, she has no complaint. If it came from a joint account, GET AN ACCOUNT FOR YOURSELF!!!
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